1985 (h.s.)

Chapter Thirty Eight

November had finally fallen upon us. It was that weird month of the year when the weather really started to transition from fall to winter even though winter didn't technically start until December. The leaves had changed from their reds, oranges, and yellows to brown. The trees were nearly bare and the sidewalks were full of their lost leaves. Wherever you walked, you stepped on a decaying leave. The sound was almost like the song of fall. 

It's been about a week since I was in the hospital for that stupid syncope. It had really taken a toll on me. I was still 'coping' with the fact that my dad was actually killed. He was dead, I had accepted that, but it was much easier knowing that he had no enemies. Now that I know all of the information about him, I felt like he wasn't the person I grew up with. He wasn't the person that read Alice in Wonderland to me every night or who raised me to be the person I am today. I didn't love or miss him any less. No matter what he did, he was still my dad.

In addition to my weird behavior, which has since caught others' attention, Harry was acting awfully weird and distant. That obviously didn't help with my depressive episode. I'd been asking him what's wrong and letting him know he can always talk to me. He would respond with 'I'm fine' or 'I don't want to talk about it' as he always did. How could I be mad at him when I was doing the same thing? No one had asked me if I was okay since Monday, but even if they did, I'd probably push them away. It was something I was apparently good at. I had started to think Harry was tired of me and that's why he was becoming obscure. It could be possible. If I were him, I'd be scared too. I mean, here I was, acting like a detective trying to solve my father's murder.

My mind couldn't leave the subject. Not very easily at least. I spent my free time going back into that shed and reading more documents. Nothing helped. There were no files on who killed him. Did they even know? If so, when were the court dates? Had they even happened yet? There was so much to think about and such little time. Things should be worked out before I turn eighteen. Therefore, I could gather my inheritance with confirmation of my father's death. I didn't like not knowing exactly what happened to him. Nothing made sense anymore. I had to second guess everything I was told. Overanalyzing has become part of my daily routine.

Currently, I was spending my off-day with Eleanor. She'd called me a few days ago asking to hang out. She seemed worried so I figured Louis had mentioned my recent behaviors to her. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but there wasn't anything to worry about. No one could help me with this. I had to fight through it on my own, not like that would be easy. Support was something I could benefit from. I had the unspoken support from people like Harry and Niall.

Niall and I have been drifting. It was sad seeing someone I was so close to floating away from me. Partially, it was my fault. My time was occupied by either Harry or sitting in my room reading. I really loved Niall, as a friend of course, and I didn't want to lose him. It was just hard seeing some I care about so much be dragged into whatever mess I've caused. I've already done that to Harry and I didn't want to do it to Niall too.

"Elaine? Have you been listening to me?" Eleanor spoke up seemingly annoyed. Her wavy brown hair framed her perfectly shaped face. I would give anything to look like her.

"Sorry. I have a lot on my mind right now. Continue?" I shook my head slightly in hopes to rid the obsessive thoughts I have.

"Well, you can always rant to me if needed. How are you and Harry? He's been acting weird too. Did you fight or something?" She interrogated. Her ability to read emotions was better than mine.

"No. We've both just been in a funk lately," I shrugged my shoulders in dismissal. This conversation was lasting longer than I'd like. I didn't mind talking to Eleanor about my relationship, but this time I didn't know the answer to her questions.