on & off ⁀➷ y.jn ✓

5

KWON Y/N POV

next day

I head downstairs after waking up at 4 in the afternoon once again. Lee Chan and Jeongin were the only ones downstairs, my brother and the two others were in his room playing games.
Surprisingly, Jeongin was on the sofa next to Lee Chan watching a Korean drama.

This may be the first time I've seen Jeongin interact with anyone ever. I sat next to Jeongin; he was in the middle of Lee Chan and I. Soon after though, Lee Chan gives me a weird look then goes upstairs, leaving Jeongin and I alone.

"Thanks for.. helping me with my hand." He says to me in a soft tone.

"It was bleeding, so.." I respond awkwardly.

"I'm sorry you saw me lashing out yesterday. I don't know what got into me." He giggles bitterly.

"That's okay, just.. make sure you talk to the guys, okay?" I look at him.

"I don't really feel comfortable talking to them right now. I don't want them to see me how I am." He frowns.

"Why are you like this right now?" I ask him, trying to get an explanation.

"It's just..." his voice trails off.

"Never mind, it's nothing. I'm just having a rough week." He shakes his head, giving me a smile but I knew it was fake.

"You need to start eating more." I look at him with a serious expression.

"I do." He says.

"You barely eat." I frown.

"I'll be fine." He shrugs.

"You clearly aren't, you're scrawny and your cheekbones are basically popping out!" My eyes widen out of anger.

"It's fine." He chuckles.

"Why are you treating this like it's a joke, Jeongin? You can get sick very easily." I glare at him.

"So?" He shrugs again.

His attitude really got on my nerves, he's acting like he doesn't care about himself at all. It was making me mad that he wasn't taking care of himself.

"What do you mean, 'so'? You can get really sick. You aren't taking care of yourself." I shake my head in disbelief.

"Let me get sick, then." He smiles.

"What is going on with you, Jeongin? You're sick in the head right now. Something is going on with you."

"What's it to you?" He scoffs.

"I care about you! You're someone to me, I can't just let you do this to yourself." I argue.

"Why do you even care, I hurt you." He giggles again, but more bitterly.

"I still care. Everyone cares about you, you're making us all worry." I frown.

"I'm fine." He says in a harsh tone.

"You clearly aren't." I shake my head, disagreeing.

"I don't care anymore, I don't care if I'm sick. It doesn't matter to me anymore." He mumbles.

"Why don't you care?"

"I don't have what I want, not anymore." His voice cracks.

I gulp, feeling a pang in my heart. I didn't know how to respond, I knew he was talking about me. It was obvious he was talking about me, because he looked me straight in the eye.

"That shouldn't affect you like this! You need to get better," I begin.

"Jeongin, you can't be reckless with yourself." I finish.

"But I lost what I wanted. No, not wanted. What I needed." He looks at me again with sorrow in his eyes.

"Jeongin, it shouldn't affect you this much. You're letting yourself be this way. You have to be strong, you can't have everything you want." I tell him.

"But I need you.." he whispers, almost so quietly I couldn't hear.

"Jeongin, get better first. Then maybe I'll consider what you say."

"Really?" His eyes light up just a teeny bit.

I gulp. "Really."

"You'll wait for me?" He smiles.

"I'll wait for you." I lie.

I felt so horrible for lying, I knew I couldn't go back to him even if we still loved each other. It was just toxic for us and I couldn't take it anymore, but I really needed him to get better. I desperately need him to get better, or else I don't know what I'd do.

I hope he realizes what I'm trying to do for him in the end, I just care for his well being and I want him to get better. Us getting back together wasn't going to happen, I just felt it.

Jeongin knows he's just saying nonsense to pull me back into him, he wanted me to fall for it again. I was about to fall for it, but I know I can't. Not again, I can't deal with it any longer.

"Then I'll get better, for you." He says to me.

"Not for me, for yourself." I shake my head immediately.

"You're my main priority."

I suddenly felt butterflies in my stomach, but they weren't the completely good kind. It was bittersweet, because I know exactly what he was doing. He was saying nonsense because he knew I would fall for it again, he knew I'd believe the words he said.

He didn't mean any of this, he just wanted someone to love him unconditionally without giving the same treatment back.