I Found You

Chapter 21

            I wake up three days later in the hospital with Lex holding my hand. At first, I have no idea what happened. Until Laura and my mom walk in. Then the memories of that night flash in my head. I can't stop the tears.

Laura and my mom explain to me that a drunk driver ran a red light and t-boned us on Jordan's side. "Jake and I heard the crash and called the cops," Lex says. "Dani ran over to the car to see if you guys were okay" Laura adds. "Jordan died on impact; the driver of the other car died 16 hours later." My mom tells me. I think she told me about the other driver to try and make me feel better, but it doesn't. He's died now there will never be justice for Jordan.

I'm released from the hospital two days later. The day of Jordan's funeral. I think I was only released because I said if they didn't let me go, I was going to sign myself out anyways. My only condition is I'm not allowed to drive for at least 72 hours.

When I get to the funeral home. I freeze. I'm not sure I can do this. Lex stands behind me and rubs my back and says. "You can do it Logan, and if you can't when you get in there we can always leave." I grab Lex's hand and we walk in together.

I see Will, I can't do this. I walk right back out and sit on the step. I feel like there is an elephant on my chest I can't breathe. I'm mid panic attack when Dani comes out. She's keeping herself more together than I am. "I can't believe he's gone when Maddie got to the house today, she asked where he was, I didn't know what to tell her. Then, she asked for you." Dani says. I didn't even think about how Maddie must be feeling. That poor little girl must be so confused. "Is she here?" I ask. "No, she's at the house Will didn't think she would understand what is going on," Dani says. "You should probably get in there soon," I say. "You should too, mom wants you to sit up front with us," Dani says.

We walk back in. There are so many people here. Tyler, Dylan, and Drake are all here. I'm starting to feel very overwhelmed when I see Jade and Lacy. I rush over to them and they both hug me at the same time. I start crying again, I don't think I'll ever be able to stop.

Laura comes over and asks me if I want a few minutes alone to say my goodbyes. I honestly don't know if I do but I say yes. She walks me into a room. I grab her hand as we walk toward his casket. It feels like my whole world is shattering around me.

When I look down and see his lifeless body lying there, I break. My heart feels like its ripped in two, all the air in my lungs is gone. He looks like him but different. This is the last time I will ever see him, the one and the only person I have ever been in love with. How am I supposed to live in a world without him?

I don't know how long I've been sitting here beside him when Laura walks in and tells me the service is about to start. I take a sit in the front row beside Dani. Some guy who has never met Jordan stands up at talks about what and great person he was and how everyone who knew him loved him.

Then people walk up and take turns telling Jordan's family and me how sorry they are for our loss. One older lady asks Laura who I am and she tells her I was Jordan's wife. The words feel like a knife through the heart.

I was supposed to be his wife. Now thanks to some drunk idiot, I'll never get the chance. I'll never know what our wedding would have been like, what dress I would have chosen, what flower arrangement I would have picked, or what our first child would have looked like. He won't be there with me when I graduate from Dalhousie or med school, or when I finally become a surgeon. He never even got the chance to go to college.

After the funeral, there is a get together at Jordan and Dani's house. Well, I guess now it's just Dani's house. "Hi, girlfriend," Maddie says as soon as walks in. "Hi, Maddie," I say back. "Want to know what mommy told me?" She asks. "Sure," I say "Uncle Jowan is in heaven; my sister won't get to meet him." She says. I can't do this. I can't have this conversation with her.

I sneak away to Jordan's room, lay in his bed, throw the blanket over my body, and cry. I cry until I don't have any tears left. His bed still smells like him. I never want to leave this bed. I was right, the day I graduated high school, my whole life changed. Nothing can or ever will be the same. Jordan is gone it doesn't feel real. How the hell do I make it through this heartache? How does anyone survive this?

After the get-together, Laura gives me a box of Jordan's things. When I get home, I go to my room and open the box and all I can smell is him. Inside the box are some of his clothes and a picture of my and his from homecoming, the night we officially started dating. I put on one of his shirts and cry myself to sleep.