I Found You

Chapter 22

*August*

It's been just over a month since Jordan died and I think about him every day and dream about him every night. In my dreams, me and him get married, have kids, grow old together, and die of old age in our bed together. When I wake up, I'm faced with reality.

I'm lying in my bed staring at the ceiling like I do every day when I hear a knock on my door. "Come in," I say very confusedly. I haven't talked to anyone in over a week. I'm surprised to see Dani walk through my door.

"Hey Logan, I haven't seen you since well you know," Dani says. "Yeah" Is all I can manage to say. "Have you talked to Lacy or Jade lately?" "No" I know I'm being short with her and I really don't mean to be I just don't have the energy to hold a conversation. "I'm about to get horribly honest with you, but I say it all out of love. You look and smell awful when was the last time you left this room?" WHAT? That was rude. "I lost my boyfriend!" I say disappointed with Dani and kind of myself. "Yes, Logan I know. But guess what you're not the only one who lost him. Me, Will, Mike, and Alex lost our brother, Maddie lost her uncle, and my mom and dad lost their son. We are all doing our best to make it through each day." Dani stops for a moment and then starts again. "Do you think this is what Jordan would want? You are wasting your life in your room. Lex told me your thinking about dropping Dalhousie. Jordan never got the chance to go to college but you do. Instead of sitting here feeling sorry for yourself, go out and live your life to the fullest." She right I know she is. The tears start again. "How am I supposed to go out and have fun when Jordan can't," I say through my sobs. "Do it because he can't! Honor him by living each day like it's your last."

Dani and I talk for a bit longer. Before she leaves, she makes me promise that I'll get dinner with her Laura and John soon. I have to start living again. First, I'm long overdue for a shower. I take an extra-long shower washing my hair twice. When I'm done, I go downstairs. My mom looks shocked to see me. To be fair this is the first time I went downstairs since the funeral. "Hi sweetie, how are you feeling?" my mom asks. "Pretty much the same but I'm ready to start working on that," I tell her truthfully. I make myself a coffee and something to eat.

After I eat, I decide to call Lacy. "Logan?" Lacy says into the phone. "Hey, I was wondering if you want to do something?" I say. She tells me she'll be right over and we get off the phone. I need to get out of the house and do something. Also, I need to apologize for being an awful friend lately.

I go outside to wait for Lacy. To my surprise, Lacy has Jade with her when she gets to my house. When they park, they both get out of the car and run to hug them. I have honestly missed them so much. I was too busy wallowing in my own self-pity to realize. "I've missed you both," I say hugging them. "We have missed you too," Jade says. "We have something we need to talk about though," Lacy adds. Oh no. "What?" I ask. "It's about the apartment, I don't mean to be pushy but we need to know if you're still in because if you're not, we need to find a roommate to be able to pay rent," Lacy says looking down. "I'm still in, I know I haven't really shown any interest in anything since Jordan but after talking to Dani I'm back," I tell them. Jade smiles and hugs me.

We spend the rest of the day driving around and talking. Jade talks about how this is the first year since she was 10 that her and her parents didn't go on their summer-long trip. "I didn't want to go because I wanted to be able to hang out with Dani, and they didn't want to leave me since we are moving away," Jade says. Lacy tells about her and Brad almost getting back together. "I really wanted to give it another try but we are both about to leave for college so there was no point," Lacy says and smiles. Neither one of them talks about prom or graduation. I don't want my friends to have to tiptoe around subjects with me but at the same time, I don't think I'm ready to talk about it.

It's only 6 by the time I get home. I notice Lex's car in the driveway. Lex is pretty much the only person I talked to for the month I was in my room. When I walk in the front door her and Jake are sitting on the couch watching a movie. "Hey Logan, I thought you were upstairs?" Lex says. "No, I was out with Jade and Lacy, where's mom and dad?" I ask as I look around the main floor. Lex and Jake aren't usually left alone at our house. "They went to the movies and can we pretend that you were home before Jake got here, I'm my defense I thought you were in your room." She says with a small laugh. "Your secret is safe with me," I say as I walk to the kitchen. I don't know what I'm so damn hungry today, maybe because it's the first day in a month I walked my then the 10 steps it takes to get from my room to the bathroom.

I don't know what I want. Everything looks good because I'm so hungry. I finally decide on popcorn, a small bowl of chips, and a chocolate bar. I walk back to the living room food in hand. "Do you guys need me to stay down here, or can I go to my room?" I ask. "Can you stay please?" Lex says and I sit down on the loveseat.

The movie they had on is actually really funny and I end up laughing through most of it. When the movie is over, we are all still laughing. "So, you excited to move?" Jake asks and Lex looks like she saw a ghost. I haven't told her I'm still going to college last time me and her talked about it, I told her I wasn't. "Yeah, well nervous too. I have never lived on my own." I answer. Lex lets out a sigh of relief.

Shortly after my mom and dad get home and Jake leaves. Lex and I go up to her room. "Thanks for not telling mom and dad." She says once the door. I just laugh. That's what sisters are supposed to do.

*September*

"Logan hurry up or we are going to miss our flight," Lacy calls from the bottom of the stairs. I know she's right but I can't shake the feeling that I'm forgetting something. This is going to drive me crazy. I do another quick check of my room and figure whatever it is, is going to have to wait a few days until my dad drives my car down. "Finally!" Lacy says and we get into my mom's car and heads to the airport.

We get to the airport with lots of time. "I'm going to miss all 3 of you." My mom says and hugs us all. "I'll be back for Christmas," I tell her. "I know, but it seems so far away." She says and starts crying. I can't believe she's making such a big deal over this she has known about it for over a year. My mom tells me to call her as soon as we land. Then she leaves.

We walk through the gates, board the plane, andtake our seats. 

"This is it," Jade says.