Blind Game Again

VI - Remus

It didn't make sense. Nothing seemed to these days. With every passing moment, Remus Lupin's life seemed to be spinning farther and farther from his control. A year ago, everything made sense. Hell, six months ago it had made sense. Life had been as normal as it ever had been for Remus only a few months ago.

It wasn't until the OWLs were over that Remus started to loose his grip on his life. Sirius had betrayed him right after they finished taking the tests. Stupid full moons. Every bad thing that had ever happened to Remus happened under the light of the moon it seemed. When he was younger, the whole "the full moon causes so much drama" thing seemed silly to him. After all, it was only the way the moon looked.

Even after the lunar cycle was far more than the way the moon looked like, Remus refused to beleive the stupid stories about drama, love, and all that stuff that made for good stories always happened under the moonlight. However, looking at his own life, that appeared to be the case. It had beeen a full moon the day he got hurt. It had been a full moon the day he transformed for the first time. It had been the day after the full moon when he had sworn to become a vegitarian.

Remus was even pretty sure that it was only a couple of days before the moon was full that he met the Marauders. That was a good thing, but dramtic and life changing certainly. When he finally told them his secret was only an hour before the moonrise. It seemed as if hollywood had gotten one thing right. The full moon did make big things happen in people's lives.

Yet, that beleif had been shattered only a half hour earlier. Remus had always suspected that he would find his destiny shortly after or before a transformation. Yet, it was the day before the new moon when it happened. Frankly, Remus liked it better this way. The way life was playing out, this dramatic event was happening when Remus could really think straight.

Yet, even on the day when he should have been the most focused, Remus' head was spinning. He couldn't seem to form two coherent thoughts, and his heart was beating so fast that Remus was sure that he was about to pass out. Yet, this was an important thing he had to do. Somehow, he needed to make destiny happen. He needed to make the girl he saw love him, even though he didn't even know her name.

One thing was obvious. He needed some fresh air, a place to alone, some way to clear his head. This wasn't going to be easy. There would be people all over the place, seeing as it was only the first day of term. Yet, most of them would be going up to their common rooms. If Remus wanted to be alone, what made sense was to go outside.

Remus' legs lead him up to the Astronomy Tower. That would be a perfect place to spend some time without having to worry about being distracted. People generally didn't go up there on the first day of term. Besides, most of the other students were still eating, even though Remus himself had eaten his fill.

As he got to the top of the tower, a gust of air blew in Remus' face, making him feel far better. He could spend as long as he liked up here, and he would be able to get a hold of himself. Then, he would go to bed with his mind clear, and would wake up fully refreshed and ready to begin the new year. It was a perfect plan.

The perfect plan shattered when Remus had barely stepped on to the tower. He wasn't alone here. Not only was there someone else here, but it was her. The last person Remus needed to see. Any sensibility that Remus had regained since the hall blew away in an instant.

He felt his face grow hot, his breaths became shorter, and his heart started going a million miles an hour again. The cool wind was blowing, but Remus could barely feel it. It was as he had been picked up and put into somewhere with a million bright lights, and even more voices. He was almost disoriented his mind was racing so fast. Remus tried to calm himself down, but it wasn't working. He was up here. With her. Only her... nobody else. This was so wonderful.

Remus turned around, perfectly willing to bolt, but his legs didn't appear to agree with him that getting as far away as he could was his best bet at regaining any form of sanity. Instead, he took a deep breath, and felt his heartbeat slow down to almost it's normal rate. He could do this. Winning the girl over was imposssible if Remus ran away every time he saw her.

With more courage than Remus ever knew he possesed, he walked closer to the girl instead of walking away. Well, being a Gryffindor was good for something. Remus took another deep breath, keeping himself under control. So, at least he could control himself a little better in the presence of a girl than in the prescene of the moonlight. "Uhmmm... hi." Remus said, not knowing what he was doing. Well... either this would work or it wouldn't. If it didn't, bolting was still probably an option.