Sunshine After The Rain

Chapter Nineteen

As Lucas pulled onto the street she lived on, Sophie risked just one more glance in his direction. It seemed it was always just one more since she'd told herself the same with the last six glances. Lucas looked nothing like the former love of her life to where they hadn't even looked like distance cousins, much less siblings.

For that simple reason, it seemed impossible for Sophie to keep her heart in check. He just seemed to have this light about him, appearing like a beacon in her darkest hour. Maybe it was all transference, having him appearing in her life, offering kinship and twisting her heart into tiny, tight knots impossible to unwind.

Sophie wondered what it would be like to kiss Lucas Mancini. Would he be tender, or would there be an animalistic side to him that devoured her entire being? Would his knuckles leave a feather-light touch against her skin, or would his fingers press into her flesh, leaving marks of reminder?

Since being told there was no possibility, Sophie's mind became a whirlwind of a need she hadn't realized she'd had until he'd stared at her in her living room. It was like she was a child, having no interest in one of her toys until her mother took it away.

Transference. That's all this was.

Either that, or she needed her head examined.

Not that there was a single thing wrong with having a thing for Lucas. A girl would have to be crazy not to. Rather, it was about who Lucas was to her.

"You're staring," Lucas said before pulling into her driveway.

Sophie looked away and licked her lips. She meant to only glance, but glancing at Lucas didn't seem to be possible now that the truth was out.

"Sorry," Sophie muttered.

Lucas let out a low laugh, then put the car in park. "You don't have to be sorry, Soph. Just making an observation is all. If it helps anything, I can't think of anything else either. I was hoping telling you would fix that, but no such luck I guess."

When Sophie saw him run his fingers through his peppered hair in the reflection of her window, she turned to see the end of the act.

Transference.

She hadn't thought about kissing him until he looked at her like he was now. If Sophie hadn't seen him as anything more than a friend before, then this was clearly transference.

Transference of what her mom pointed out with his glorious jet black hair.

Transference of his emotions for her.

Transference of her lashing out at her husband's spirit.

Transference of her need to feel loved after finding out her husband would leave her.

The love Sophie felt for Lucas was that of friendship. Nothing more. Nothing less. What she was feeling for him now was purely because he was beautiful and had shown a desire for her at a time where she felt less than desirable. It was taking pleasure in that one simple fact.

"I feel like I'm taking advantage of your friendship now," Sophie admitted, not realizing how much that truth weighed heavy on her mind. "Taking care of me is one thing, but now you want to create my dream house and I feel like I'm in college all over again."

Lucas' black eyebrows furrowed only for a moment before a smile began crept up on his lips. "And here I thought I was the first one to make that offer."

"Chris," Sophie explained further, shaking her head feverishly. "He was one of the first friends I'd made in college. After Jason and I started dating, he told me he was the better man for me and he'd treat me better than Jason ever could. In hindsight, he was probably right." Sophie shook her head once again before turning it towards Lucas. "The point I'm trying to make is once I turned him down, him and I remained friends all the way until Jason and I got married. Then he finally gave up.

"Before that, he'd do all these sweet things for me. He'd help me study for tests and show up to my room with takeout. He'd write me sweet little notes and slipped them under my door. Chris spent three years trying to win my heart, and I never told him to stop. I spent most of my life being the weird chick who had no clue how to talk to anyone, then I went to college and had two guys who wanted me. It felt nice, but I remember my wedding day and how heartbroken he looked once he realized I would go through with it. Even when I was pregnant with Jason's child, he still told me that if I chose him, he would be an incredible husband and father."

Lucas leaned against the corner of his seat and the car door and took a moment to take in all her ramblings before he responded. "The difference between Chris and I is that he was a love sick college student, and I'm a grown ass man. I can see the reality of this shit, Sophie. I know that no matter what I say or do, even if I were to win your heart, I can't accept it.

"My feelings for you might not be a hundred percent pure, but I promise you, my intentions are. You are still family, Soph, and so are those kids. I want all of you to have a fresh start, and it's not just my job, but my privilege to help make that happen.

"I meant what I said before when we first met. I'm grateful you let me in those kid's lives after Jason kept me away from them for so long. Everything I offer, I offer as a thank you for that. I already know you and I will never happen, and can't happen. Chris held onto hope. Hope isn't a factor here. That means that anything I do for you isn't with the intent of winning you over."

It made sense. He was the one that told her that nothing would ever happen between them, regardless of how either of them felt.

"Fair enough?" Lucas asked when she gave no response.

Sophie nodded and unbuckled her seat belt, then opened up her own car door. They may have raised Lucas to be a gentleman, but in order for transference to fade, Sophie would need to put an end to all the sweet gestures.

She walked ahead and unlocked the door once she realized that Joel's vehicle wasn't parked in the driveway. The house was black, so she flicked on the lights and tossed her purse on the couch, noticing a note on the living room table.

"I guess they're keeping the kids overnight," Sophie said as she summed up the note. "I think that might just be the first time they've offered to do that."

Alone with Lucas. That's what she'd be for an entire night.

"House all to ourselves, huh?" Lucas sang out, a mischievous smile on his face. "Whatever will we do?"

Sophie wasn't sure exactly how her face appeared at that point, but Lucas burst into laughter. "I'm fucking with you, kid."

She had to hand it to him. He was a confident man, and rightly so. Not only did he appear to wear his heart on his sleeve, but he didn't apologize for anything inside, and could make light out of an otherwise awkward situation. It was remarkable, really. He was one hundred and eighty percent genuine, stuck in a world where that trait was difficult to come by.

Unfortunately, it was because of that that caused Sophie to wonder if this was transference at all, or if he was winning a heart he couldn't accept.