Sunshine After The Rain

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"That should have been more romantic," Lucas muttered before pulling her body against his own.

Once they both came down, he'd carried her to the bedroom and laid her body atop the bed before joining her.

"I didn't need romance," Sophie told him. "I just needed you."

His fingertips trailed up and down the arm she had draped across his chest. "Even so, I should have taken the time to appreciate you."

When she heard his uneven breaths, Sophie sat up to look at him. There was a hidden message there; one she feared to look too closely at, but one she also couldn't ignore. "That isn't going to happen again, is it?"

Lucas' eyes closed and his hand left her arm and turned into a fist that rest against his forehead. "We don't have to talk about this now, kid."

It was all the confirmation Sophie needed, but none she wanted. The greatest sex of her life, and he couldn't even look at her afterwards. "I'm sorry if the sex wasn't as good for you as it was for me, but I'm a little out of practice."

The eyes that were still closed scrunched. "That isn't what this is about."

Those spoken words didn't act as any comfort. "So what was that?" Sophie asked as she left the bed. "A pity fuck? Giving your dead brother's wife a dicking to make her feel better? Because I don't feel better, Lucas."

Lucas sat up, but didn't leave the bed. "I meant it when I said I love you, Sophie."

She nodded at the words, but her mind was on other words; ones he spoke the night he ended their friendship. "You also meant it when you said that even if you won my heart, you couldn't accept it. My body is fine, just not my heart." Sophie licked her lips and ran her trembling fingers through her tangled hair. "This string you're keeping me on, it's fucking cut. I've never felt more used in my entire fucking life, and hell if I'm going to let any man make me feel that way twice."

As soon as she fled the room, strong arms wrapped around her, forcing her to remain in place. "Do you know how fucking hard this is for me? You're this promise of something better. You and those kids. But there are no promises, Soph, and I can't risk that kind of loss again. I wouldn't survive it. There's too many damn things stacked against us."

The words sunk into Sophie. He feared becoming a part of a family and losing it. He feared loving her children as if they were his own, only for their relationship to crumble under pressure and lose that connection.

Sophie elbowed him in the side, which didn't have the impact she desired, but was enough for him to release her so she could turn to face him. "I'm sorry you lost your daughter, Lucas. I hate that you went through that and hate that you have to go through that pain every single day. But love doesn't always mean loss. The only way you'll lose my kids is if I feel like I can't trust you, which you are getting dangerously close to. And the only way you'll lose me is if you make it happen, like you are right now.

"I can take on a lot of shit. I've proven that time and time again. What I can't take is this constant push and pull from you. Love is something to cherish and hold close, not just enjoy when it's convenient. You told if I came into this house, you were going to prove to me how much you loved me. Where's the fucking proof, Lucas?"

Lucas' jaw clenched, so much so she barely understood the words he spoke. "I just told you I loved you."

"You have a pile of sweet words you pretty up and hand over, but I see them for what they really are. Poetic bullshit."

Sophie licked her lips and swiped the forming tears from her eyes. "I've told you I loved you," she began, her voice steady despite breaking inside. "I've proven it by offering my heart to you. This is a risk I want to take, even after all the crap I went through with Jason. I'm not scared to love you, Lucas. The only thing I'm scared of is you breaking my heart, because you've done it twice now without a second thought. The first time, I thought you were just trying to do right by me. But this time? This one's completely on you.

"Three strikes and you're out, Lucas. You say you love me, so fucking prove it. Be with me. Take a chance."

Lucas' eyes closed, and he leaned against the wall of the hallways, only to lower himself to the ground. "Sophie, I-" he dropped his face to his hand. "I can't."

This time when the tears came, Sophie didn't wipe them away. Not only was he not looking at her, but she needed to shed every one of them. "Like I said, poetic bullshit. You can say you love me a thousand times, but you don't mean any of it. You know how I know that?" She didn't wait for his response. "You just threw me under a bus to save yourself. It was easier for you to cause me pain to avoid the possibility of experiencing it yourself.

"I thought you were different," Sophie admitted. "When you came into my life, you gave me hope. But you're just like him, aren't you?" Again, Sophie didn't allow time for him to respond, even when he looked up at the words. "I meant what I said, Lucas. Three strikes and you're out. Don't call me, don't come to see me, and don't message me. If you want to see the kids, you contact Laura and arrange for a supervised visit."

Lucas raised himself from the ground and walked toward her, only for Sophie to take as many steps back as she needed to maintain the distance. "It doesn't have to be like this, Sophie. We can go back to being friends. We can fix this."

She shook her head. His friendship would be missed, but it wasn't real. Lucas had proved not that he loved her, but that he loved himself above all else. "I'm better off without your friendship, and I'm better off without you."