Sunshine After The Rain

Chapter Twenty-Three

The words Sophie spoke to Lily were a hard truth to face. Although she'd been facing some of it in silence, speaking the words aloud took that truth to an entirely new level. Add that to the possibility that she could fall in love with Lucas so easily that Sophie was guarding herself from it...

When the mini-van's doors opened, Sophie jumped at the sound, her body on edge and her mind having not realized they'd completed the trip. If she'd been the one to drive rather than Lily, they probably would have gotten in an accident.

Sophie undid her seatbelt as Justin jumped out and ran toward the house, followed by Ella once Lucas released her from her car seat. She was the last one to leave the vehicle, unable to deal with the awkwardness that came with Lucas overhearing the words she'd spoken earlier. There was no way he couldn't have overheard.

"Hang on, Soph," Lucas said once she'd finally gained the nerve to leave the confines of the mini-van.

Lily gave her a sympathetic look as she took the keys from Sophie's hands, then disappeared into the house with the children.

Unwilling to meet his gaze, Sophie crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked down at the grass she stood on as Lucas walked over to her.

"I'm heading back to my place."

His words forced her eyes to shoot up. It was only Saturday afternoon and Lucas was meant to stay until Sunday night to help clear out Jason's apartment. Because he said he'd wanted to be there for her whenever she needed him, Sophie realized just how much damage her words had caused.

"Please don't." Her voice came out almost childlike; pleading.

Lucas' hand reached out to touch her, then quickly corrected itself and moved to his pocket instead. "You're dealing with too damn much, kid. I came here to help with that, not add more shit to it. I'm making your life more complicated. You can't deny that."

He was right. Sophie couldn't deny that without lying, and she didn't want to lie to him. "You're also making it better." And that was the truth. Before she'd opened herself up to the realization of what she felt for him, Sophie's life was finally beginning to make sense.

"Can't we just go back. Please?" Sophie reached out for him, not caring who saw or who judged her. To her surprise, Lucas didn't step away, allowing her arms to go around him.

Minus his hand on the back of her head, Lucas didn't return her embrace like he would have before. "I wish we could. I wish I could go back and never tell you what I did. Not because it wasn't true, but because it fucked everything up. But I can't turn off what I feel for you, and I wouldn't even if it was in my power. What I can do is give you space. You're going through too much tough shit to be having to deal with this too, Soph."

"I don't want space," Sophie cried out against his chest.

The hand that held the back of her head pet her hair, and Lucas took in a sharp breath above her. "And it's the last thing I want, but it's what you need. It won't be forever, kid. Once you've mourned your loss and had some time to yourself to figure out your life and what you want out of it, I'll be waiting." Lucas pulled her back and forced her head up to look at him. "As a friend."

"What if I still want more?" It wasn't transference. It wasn't her mind playing games with her, and it wasn't just something that would fade away with time.

"If it was up to me, I'd give you the moon and stars and everything beneath them. I'd give you the whole world if I could. But like I said before, what's happening here can't be about what we want. It has to be about what we need. You need to build a life with your kids that's just the three of you and learn how to be happy that way before you can even think about adding another guy to the mix."

Sophie remembered the words he'd spoken to her the day before. "And that guy can't be you," she remembered aloud.

Lucas pressed his lips together and shook his head in a slow, lazy sway. "Not without ruining what you worked to build."

After several silent moments of staring into his eyes, Sophie took a step back. "How am I going to explain this to the kids?"

Lucas' sigh filled the quiet air, and he looked toward the house. "I'll still take them on the weekends. We'll figure out a system and we'll still work together so I can build you your dream house. It won't be the same, but I don't want to lose those kids, Soph, and I don't want to hurt or confuse them. I'll still be in your life; just in the background."

That wasn't where she wanted him. Lucas was meant to be in the front and center of it. She would admit as much, but as Lucas said, it wasn't about 'want'.

"Say goodbye to the kids before you leave," she told him instead, her voice coming out oddly indifferent.

Like she'd cut herself off emotionally from Jason in order for the pain to sting just a little less, her instincts kicked in and did so again. It would be the only way she'd survive the loss of her friend and losing the hope of what they could be.