Sunshine After The Rain

Chapter Thirty-Four

After wiping the fresh tears from her eyes for perhaps the dozenth time that evening, Sophie stared off into the distant starry sky from the front porch of Lucas' house. The nights were so much chillier than the last time she was there, and bitter compared the first time she'd stood on the property; the night he'd admitted to having feeling for her. 

She hadn't gone into the grief group meeting that night. As Joel instructed, she'd remained in the hallway, knowing he'd shut down if he knew she were there. All it took was two minutes of hearing his story before Sophie walked back to the car, where Joel was waiting, and asked him to drive her to this house. 

The story he had to tell, the one she'd only heard a snippet of, she wanted to hear from him. Face to face. To listen to the story in its entirety from a darkened hallway on the other side of a propped open door felt dishonest. Like she was going through his desk drawers and phone without his permission. 

What small part she did overhear caused the tears to find their way onto her cold cheeks, stinging the skin. There were so many reasons for Lucas' behavior that had crossed through Sophie's mind. The one he gave had never been even a moment of possibility. He'd pointed her down one heartbreaking path, only to hide the truth down another.

The path he kept hidden from her may never lead them toward each other, but that didn't feel like it mattered. What did matter was seeing the true fear that came from the most honest place in the world that caused him to lie to her and lead her astray. 

When headlights shown in the distance, Sophie swiped the newest tears from her cheeks and wiped her hands on the fabric of her pants. She'd sent Joel to a nearby cafe nearly half an hour ago, unsure of when Lucas would be getting home from his meeting, how much he was willing to tell her, and how long he'd be willing to talk before he shut down.

There was the possibility that Lucas wouldn't talk at all, finding the act Joel talked her into to be a despicable way of finding out the truth. Where Joel's act the week before was completely accidental, hers was purposeful, and she wouldn't blame Lucas for leaving her outside in the cold to wait for her ride. 

Lucas killed the engine of his truck and stepped out, his brown eyes fixated on hers, and her own unable to look away. The man who began walking toward her wasn't the man she'd argued with on her lawn, and wasn't the man who'd tried to break her heart as gently as he could in the hallway fifteen feet behind her. It also wasn't the man who'd kissed her with passion.

This was the true man who stood at the end of the path he'd led her away from.

"My father told you," he guessed.

Sophie shook her head. "He dropped me off at the meeting and told me to stay in the hallway. After a minute of hearing you talk, I turned around and left." Sophie wiped the hair from her face and stood. "I do want to know everything, but only if you want to tell me."

Lucas pressed his lips together and hung his head, the beautiful black and gray waves falling in front of his face. The heavy breath he let out mingled with a light breeze that pricked at Sophie's skin and left her shivering. 

Rather than respond vocally, Lucas kept his head low as he walked passed her and up the steps, opening the door to the front of the house he'd kept unlocked, then held it open for a beat. 

Sophie took the invitation and stepped inside the house she hadn't been in for months. There were so few memories she'd had there, yet they all felt overwhelming as her feet his the hardwood flooring, and he hit the lights behind her to bring all those images to life. She didn't dare look at the wall only a few feet away that he'd pressed her body against, or the counter on the other side that she'd been sitting on when he kissed her. 

"What did you hear?" He asked, his voice shaky. 

Neither were prepared for this. When Joel begged her to hear what Lucas had to say, she'd never imagined hearing those words come from him. "You weren't sure how you felt about your father knowing the truth about Arianna, and why letting us into your life meant letting her go."

Lucas gave her a single nod, paused, then let out another heavy breath as he walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. He waited until Sophie joined him before he started. "I left Rhode Island because I thought I was going crazy. I'd still see her everywhere I went. Not like a ghost or a glimpse, but like she was right in front of me. We'd have conversations, she'd wake me up in the morning to make her breakfast, have me drop her off at school. We went on living the life we had before she became sick, but she'd keep growing up like she would have if she'd lived. 

"Living that double life took it's toll, and I went downhill fast. It broke my heart when I moved, because that meant leaving her behind, except it didn't work out that way. Two days after getting here, and there she was, asking how we were going to decorate her room. She told me that this was a fresh start, and how I better get my act together. So I did, and things were going good.

"Then you and the kids came into my life, and I went back to feeling like I was two different people with two different lives. I didn't know how to balance them. Didn't know how to explain to my daughter why I wasn't home as often. I was starting to feel her drift, and it was like losing her for a third time. 

"When you and I took a break from each other..." Lucas ran his fingers through his hair, which looked greasier than usual and he became caught in a tangle he had to force his way out of. "It seemed like the choice was made for me, but it still took it's toll. Then you show up here acting like a crazy person, and I remembered how good it felt to be that loved by someone. I gave into it, but there was that choice again. 

"Loving you and those kids means being a part of a family again, which means having to let go of Arianna. I know what the right choice is, Soph. I've known the whole goddamn time I've known you that it's time to move on and let go of her, but I can't bring myself to do that."