Chapter Twenty-Six

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Sophie did her best to look presentable, but her efforts were a waste of time. The more she looked at herself in the mirror that morning, she had to concede Laura was right. Sophie was wasting away. She looked and felt like a ghost of her former self.

Nine months ago, she began to suspect her husband's affair. She'd shut herself down emotionally, but made it through.

Nearly three months ago, he'd admitted the affair and asked for a divorce. She cried and drank, but knew she had to be strong.

Later on that night, Sophie found out about his death. She cried a little, drank plenty, and was damn angry. The pain eventually arrived.

But the pain of losing her husband felt minuscule compared to losing Lucas. He'd become her lifeline, her friend, her confidant, and eventually her desire.

Sophie tried to understand why the pain was so damn different between the two men. All it took was opening her eyes. She'd cut herself off from loving Jason after suspecting the affair. It would make their ending easier, and he was such a far cry from the man she'd married that it was easy to disconnect.

There was no disconnecting from Lucas. No matter the distance or time between them, Sophie's feeling hadn't wavered. Instead, everything became clearer with each passing day without him. Lucas had been her light in the darkness. He'd been her guide in her sorrow. He'd been her strength in her weakest moments.

Comparing the two men wasn't fair, but also was unavoidable. Lucas was everything good. He wore his heart where the world could see. He was her gentle giant. Jason probably loved her. Sophie had heard it from both his father and his best friend, but his love was not without conditions and not without its shadows. After years of marriage, his heart was forever only partially opened to her; to everyone in his life. Even the kids they conceived and raised together received only a fraction of the piece they deserved.

Jason may have felt he succeeded in life, but always failed to enjoy or live it.

Pulling into her soon-to-be house, Sophie noticed several trucks and cars parked in her driveway, but none of them his. She didn't see him as the guy that took a day off, not that he didn't earn one.

A man working on her porch heard her SUV's door close and turned around to look at Sophie, keeping his eyes focused on her as she neared.

"Help you with something?" He asked.

"This is my house," Sophie explained. "I was looking for Lucas."

The older man's eyes brightened. "You're Sophie, huh?"

Sophie tried to do her best to smile. "That's me. Is he around?"

The man's friendly demeanor dimmed a bit, and he set his screwdriver on the porch railing. "Sent him home to get some sleep. Honestly, I can't tell if he's drunk these days or just an insomniac. I'm sure you've noticed something off with him lately. Hell, someone would have to be blind not to see that shit."

Although Sophie nodded, she hadn't seen it. Lucas hadn't allowed her close enough to see. "I'll try him at home then."

"Word to the wise. Tread lightly. Doubt he'd take his anger issues out on you, but you never know with him anymore."

*******

Sophie spent fifteen minutes parked outside Lucas' before she found the courage to leave the safety of her vehicle. She saw no movement in the house; no dancing window curtains to show he'd been watching her.

The steps she took were heavy and slow, the older man's warning playing on repeat in her mind as her feet carried her toward the house, then remembered Laura's comment about Lucas getting a drunk and disorderly.

There'd been sweet Lucas, understanding Lucas, passionate Lucas, considerate Lucas, honest to a fault Lucas, and determined Lucas. Sophie had yet to meet drunk Lucas, disorderly Lucas, or Angry Lucas. Though she was in no rush to meet those men, she was standing outside the front door where all three of them had taken up residence.

Sophie balled her hand into a fist and reluctantly tapped the door in front of her, almost hoping he was asleep and wouldn't hear her. But he wasn't. She could hear his heavy booted footsteps and muttering long before the front door flew open.

"What?" Lucas bit out before the door fully opened, his clenched jaw loosening at the sight of her. "Sophie."

Her name came out a whisper, causing her to melt into a puddle on his front porch. "Hey. Is this a bad time?" Just as Sophie almost wanted him to not hear her knock, she also almost wanted him to admit the timing wasn't great.

But he didn't.

Instead, Lucas opened his front door the rest of the way and stepped to the side. "Are the kids okay?"

"The kids are fine," Sophie reassured him as she walked passed the giant into the house.

"Are you okay?"

She turned to face him, stopping herself from the mindless response of 'yes'. "No, Lucas. I'm not okay. The pain Jason put me through is nothing compared to the pain I've been feeling these passed two months. I know you had good intentions, but in case you haven't heard, that's what the road to hell is paved with. And I've been living in hell, Lucas. I know you wanted to give me this time to heal, but I've been an open fucking wound this entire time. I can't heal without you. I don't even give a shit if that makes me sound weak or sappy."

Sophie allowed herself to breathe. A simple 'no' would have sufficed, followed by 'I miss our friendship', but the friendship wasn't the only thing Sophie longed to get back. When he took a step forward, she held up her palm as a gesture to stop. "I'm guessing I'm in love with you, because no pain I've been through has ever hurt as bad as staying away from you."

There it was, her heart on the line. It wasn't out for the world to see as his was, but in this room, she allowed Lucas' eyes to truly peer inside for the first time. 

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