Caught Up In Your Lies(Ricky Olson FanFic)

Chapter 33

I hadn't got to hold her, they wouldn't let me. I couldn't even see her.
I was in a state of depression as I had lost yet another child. I just don't understand why I lose my children.
I wouldn't come out of my bed for anything, I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't sleep.
Jessy told Ricky the news and I hadn't answered one text or call from him.
My boss understood since his wife lost most of her children.
It hurt so much because I actually wanted this child.
I blocked out everything and focused on one spot in my room, occasionally crying.
I had lost all of the weight from the pregnancy in a week and some.
There on the floor highlighted in red lied a girl. Her possession of immortal beauty brought the sincerest form of irony to this seemingly tragic display of lust verses love. It was black on black on black and such a shame that she could not resist, keeping the only hint of red strictly to her fingernails.
I buried my face in my pillow and screamed out, while tears covered the silk.
I couldn't breathe with the pillow restricting my airway so I moved my head to where I could breathe and sobbed loudly as I scrunched up my face in pain, crying loudly.
I screamed out and broke down.
Someone came into the room and held me in their arms and I let all of my sadness flow out, only to leave me feeling hollow and dead inside.
"Blade, listen to me." Ricky said, brushing my hair out of my face, cupping it with his hands, and making me look at him.
"It's going to be okay. I lost her too. She was mine too." He said, tears threatening to fall from his eyes.
I shook my head continuously and lost control of my crying again.
I pushed him away from me and I ran to the bathroom, seeking my savior.
I hurriedly locked the door and took out the blades I've been hiding for years. I drowned them on alcohol and brought one up to my wrist.
"One for how you're such a failure.
Two for how you keep killing your children.
Three for being happy.
Four for running away from your problems.
Five for fucking your life up.
Six for wanting to die so badly." I said out loud, ignoring Ricky.
The more I made, the deeper they were.
There was a really loud bang on the door and I jumped, dropping the blade.
I tangled my hand in my hair and screamed.
Ricky burst through the door and grabbed the wrist that I cut, cleaned it and bandaged it in white gauze.
I wouldn't look at him and he wouldn't look at me.
Once he was done, I watched him walk out of the room and I locked the door.
Tears escaped my eyes as I slid down the door.
"This is my chance..." I said rather loudly.
I got up and walked into my bathroom again and downed too many pills to count.
As my consciousness slipped, I felt like I was throwing up but I couldn't quite tell.
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