this changes everything. ⟲ wangxian

6. Where Two Ends Meet

Wei Wuxian doesn't know how many moons it will take for him to reach Cloud Recesses. He had travelled quite far... that fateful day, he picked up and left; and dared himself not to look back. He had travelled as far away from the Lan Clan as he possibly could—he had guessed it was better this way, for everyone.

Or at least, that's what someone told him. And Ah Xian believed him.

It's nightfall now.

Little Apple's hooves trod down the dirt path. They're descending down the side of a mountain, the hot air somewhat suffocating; there is no wind tonight. Ah Xian taps his flute against his shoulder, the back of his neck. He listens to his donkey's beating hooves.

He had left the inn in a scattered hurry. He shouldn't have left so soon. He shouldn't have left without even a proper goodbye to the little ones—Mingyu.

His heart feels heavy thinking about the bright little boy, with eyes that shine like stars, with a mind as cunning as his own.... he will miss that boy.

This is all Lan Zhan's fault.

"I don't suppose," Ah Xian finds himself saying out loud, into the echoey night. "That we're ever going to go back there... are we, Apple?" Little Apple grunts in reply. "Then again, I didn't think we were ever going to go back to Cloud Recesses either... I didn't think... I would need to go back. I didn't think I would be rushing to go back so desperately, in such a hurry!" He scoffs, annoyed. "What is that Hanguang Jun thinking? Getting sick? Is he nuts?" Ah Xian swings his flute at the branch of a tree they pass, purposely trying to snap off the branch. But he fails. "How can he get sick? He is Chief Cultivator. Does he want the whole world to suffer? Does he want to die? Is he crazy?"

Ah Xian feels angrier and angrier the more he thinks about it. When the next tree passes, he grabs hold of the branch with his own hand and breaks it off himself.

He cries out in frustration, into the dark of night, "That Hanguang Jun must be completely insane to let himself get sick like that.... that.... that Lan Zhan..." and then all at once the anger leaves him. It dissipates into thin air. Ah Xian finds himself silent, motionless, riding to the slow-paced rhythm of Little Apple's trodding. After a long moment he scoffs faintly. "That Lan Zhan..."

Lan Zhan.

•••

"Wangji."

Wangji doesn't answer.

"...I know this is hard for you. Forgive me. The details of what needs to happen must be sorted out with the other clans—"

"What will you tell them?"

"Only the vaguest. I promise. I will tell them a piece of your soul has vanished with the person you love, and the way to restore your health is to be with your other again... I will tell them we are currently making arrangements to find your other; and that you will be wholesome and safe very soon. That is all. I understand how you feel about telling them even this much, but I advise we do so in order to avoid distrust among the clans. You know what it's like being in that room... Wangji. Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"Are you really going to look for him?"

"...for Master Wei?"

"Yes."

"Well, yes. We have to. Lady Yang said that there's no other way to guarantee your good health, in physique and spirit. I will talk to some search parties about finding him."

Silence.

"Wangji."

"You will be careful, right? You won't let the word spread that we're looking for him?"

"Don't worry about that. I promise, no one will find out why we are looking for Master Wei. It's true, rumours accumulate quickly. But the search party captains will be careful."

"That's not why I'm worried."

"Hm?"

"...that's not why I'm worried about that. The rumours... I just don't want Wei Ying to run into trouble."

Silence.

"I can't guarantee he won't run into trouble," Xichen speaks slowly. "But the news that we're looking for Wei Wuxian will definitely not spread from us."

"Understood," Wangji whispers.

"Lan Wangji."

He looks up.

There is something deep and firm laden in Xichen's gaze. There is a familiar compassion, but also pity, and seriousness. He says, "Rule 2982–"

Wangji stiffens.

"—you know you can't be with him. It's been a many moons for you two now, so I can predict you'll feel... energised. Obviously, your health will improve. And that's what we want; that's what's good for you. You're allowed to see Master Wei, you're allowed to talk to him, you're allowed to spend time with him... but you're not allowed to be with him. You know very well the reasons why we can't risk such a decision. Such an outwardly bold move. So I advise you don't tell him the whole reason we're looking for him—don't speak of this sacred love, or your dying soul... just tell him you've missed his company. Do not say or do anything that might mislead him.... Wangji. I trust that you'll remember Rule 2982."

Lan Wangji's hands have curled into strained fists. They ache like the knuckles and veins will pop out, but he won't show it. He keeps his face straight, his expression lifeless, the rest of his posture relaxed. He almost laughs at himself. He is good at this... too good at this.

"Understood."

"Speaking of which, the Gu Clan Leader sent another letter. He's sensitive about your sickness and he's kind on his conditions. I advise you schedule a meeting with him soon. Apparently his daughter is very beautiful... it would do good to join hands with this established clan, and on top of that you'll have a lovely, respectful wife. But like I said, it's up to you."

Wangji says nothing. He is glad he didn't laugh, because if he had, it wouldn't have been a laugh at all—it would have been a sob.

•••

"I'm heading that way," Wei Ying says.

Wangji doesn't answer. He doesn't even say goodbye.

Wangji finally understands why he's having these dreams. Because Wei Ying is a part of him. In their last moments together, Wei Ying took something from him that he desperately needs to live.

Wei Ying is a thief.