Cross Fire (Part II)

Epilogue

The next morning I deliberately wake up early having the intention of stopping by Logan's before I go to work. When he opens the door he is grumpy and yawning and I know I've woken him up. He doesn't seem surprised to see me though.
He moves to the side to let me in and doesn't say a word.
I walk inside and he follows me with his eyes not saying anything. This makes me even more nervous. I know he isn't going to speak first so I do.

"I'm sorry about last night. Things got... difficult."

Still not a word from him. He just crosses his arms across his chest and leans on the kitchen counter. Gulp. My heart starts racing. I wish he would ask me something or yell.

"Okay... Well we talked about the legal situation and... other things."

Now he starts nodding his head.

"No, no! I'm not back with him." I try to explain miserably.

He lifts his eyes to meet mine, yet still says nothing.

"Okay I am doing this all wrong."

"What do you want?" finally he speaks.

Those words cut through me. He is right to ask, and his reaction is not unwarranted. He is also not naive. But what do I answer? I sigh and let it all out.

"I want peace. Peace of mind. I want to relax and not think about what happened to me, about who I was dating, and how my name could be monetised by anyone who ever knew me. I want things to be easy. Most of all I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to be the cause of pain for you or him or anyone. I am not back with Shawn, but I won't lie to you, he wants to get back together. You asked me what I want, and it would have been an easy answer had I.... had I not fallen in love with you."

As I say this his eyes go wide and he straightens up. I can tell that I've caught him off guard, but I might as well be honest with him and with myself.

"I don't want you to say anything. Please. I am here to tell you that it is not fair for me to string you along until I figure myself out. I feel like I am tearing at the seams and I need time away. I'll be requesting vacation from work from next week, and I plan on going home for a little while."

I walk towards him and just before I reach him he pulls me into a hug. I burry my head in his bare chest and hug him tight.

"You should know, I have no intention of letting you go without a fight." he says.

"It shouldn't be a fight, should it? Look, I'll be gone for about two weeks. Can I call you when I come back?"

"Angel, you can call me every night if you want."

I can't help but smile at him. I kiss him long and passionate then pet Bentley and head to work.

***

The next few days fly by in a flash. I stay at work for long hours to avoid spending time alone at the apartment. I texted Shawn to let him know what my plans were, and he understood. I called Jesse immediately after my request was approved and she was ecstatic. She gushed about all the things we would do and all the places we would go. She even suggested a weekend in Vegas. I laughed with her, and talked with her, and told her that I needed her help. She tried to make me tell her what about, but I was adamant about talking to her in person. She knows about me and Shawn breaking up and about Logan, but she has no idea how complicated things have gotten. It is not something I would even attempt at explaining over the phone. In fact, it will take several hours and several bottles of wine.

The afternoon before my flight I spend working out and packing. I see the blue box on my nightstand and throw it in the bag. I don't know what made me do it, or why I wanted it with me, but luckily I will have Jesse to sort me out.

The entire night I have nightmares about when Kate tried to kill me. I haven't had them in a while, so I don't understand what prompted them again. Some of them are different though. Logan is in them. In some of them it is him running to me instead of Shawn, and in the worst ones no one comes and I die. I wake up in cold sweats each time and I am afraid that I will get panic attacks, if I am not having them already. I admit it might be time to talk to someone.

By the time morning comes I am exhausted, but I'm glad not to have to fall asleep again. I grab my phone and see two text messages. One is from Shawn and the other one is from Logan.
1#
I tried to write a song about you. It was impossible to put you into words.
2#
Funny how one stupid thing like a smile or a look can lead to another dumb thing like a kiss and suddenly your life is not your own anymore.

Where is that exploding coin anyway?