Fear is a warning to pain. And so many, many times I'd been afraid of this very thing that left a gaping sore inside.
Just when I thought I had the spectrum of human emotions all felt and figured out, a new one came.
Grief.
It wasn't the same as mourning fallen friends and angels. Those things, regrettable as there were, could be pushed aside and forgotten if not provoked. But this...this was constant. This was torture.
Every minute of every day, and I didn't sleep, I felt it. I didn't know emotional pain could be so physically deep. No one warned me of that. Even after everything previously happening to my love, even after learning of her prediction of this...I still did not expect it to hurt so damn much.
Worse still, I had to tell Sam, once I gathered myself and stopped weeping. I had to tell him that he'd lost not one, but both of his siblings. With his hands already full trying his damndest to locate the missing body, alive or dead, of Dean...I was afraid to stress him any further. But I had no choice. I needed sanctuary to read the tablet and he deserved to be told.
He was devastated, of course, but hopeful and on board with my idea to find a way to bring her back on the tablet. It was long shot, because as far as anyone, anywhere knew, a dead Seer stayed dead. A rule, a spell, supposedly, that Selaphiel installed herself. But we had to try.
Sam was in and out of the bunker, chasing leads on demons for answers, nearly all of which were not even supernatural or the demons had no answers. When he did return, we had little to discuss except for updates on our progress.
The Seer Tablet, was indeed intended for angels. The front side was simple Enochian, but in a strange and different dialect that took time to dechiper and translate. And I was no Kevin Tran.
"Hey," the youngest Winchester called down to me upon coming home, again looking rough, "what do you got so far?"
I sighed, fumbling with the trinket tied on a chain around my neck in a new habit of self soothing. Hazel's ring.
Miraculously it was left behind in the sand, but nothing else.
"Just a few lines.." I admitted, and proceeded to read off aloud, from my notes, "I, Selaphiel, fourth angel of the Arch Order of the Lord our father, have commissioned and cooperated with Creation to construct the first and all successors, of the Goddess of Mortals."
"Goddess of Mortals?" Sam echoed.
"It's what she called them, apparently, the Seers."
"That's all you got? After what, a week?"
"No there's a bit more," I breathed wearily, feeling exhausted myself from the dying and the reading both,
"Goddess of Mortals, the Earthly champion and Commander of the Watchers, is the lock and key. The conduit of natural forces beyond Heaven's reach. You, angel, who reads this, and all others, are sworn and bound to respect, protect and guide the Daughters' path."
"Ok so...stuff we already know," Sam pointed out in disappointment.
I nodded. "Sorry, its...a long read. And this is just one side of it."
He frowned thoughtfully.
"Have you checked the other side? Maybe the front is all just...introductory."
"No I-" I began as I flipped it over, catching my words as I quickly realized the backside came to me as easily as ordinary Enochian, though it was far from it, "wait a minute...Sam!"
"What?"
I laughed dryly at myself for not looking sooner.
"This side it...Its a letter. To me."
"To you? From Selaphiel?"
"Yes..." I answered distractedly as I read with ease, "this is why it was calling to me. I doubt Metatron was able to read this part.."
"What's it say?"
