They wondered if I was better, now. If I made more sense. I tried to be normal. Tried to remember how to talk normal. How to ignore all the songs. But I was better off staying silent. No matter what I did, the library would always be broken. My powers, trapped inside, did everything they could to hold it all together.
But what my brother and my angel did for me, did help. The songs had more harmony, because they all stayed where they belonged.
Castiel stayed with me all night, wishing I would say more. Trying to figure me out. But I just wanted to feel, not to speak. And when I woke up, he wasn't there. No, he was downstairs.
I showered. Tamed my hair with products. Wore my newest clothes. Trying to be normal without his help. The mirror said I looked alright. She said this was a good step. That I am strong alone if I want to be.
I smelled nice, the aromas carried down the stairs with me. Sam and Cas smelled me before they saw me. Cas rushed away to fetch coffee before I even sat down with Sam.
"Morning," brother said genuinely, looking away from the computer.
"Yes it is," I replied, briefly leaning my head on him in a sort of lazy side hug.
Castiel smooched the top of my head before sitting on the other side of me. Analyzing eyes waiting to see a change. "You feel alright?" he asked.
I sighed. Wishing I had answers easy to understand. "Better. Broken but the cracks are sealed."
The ring on his finger caught my attention. I didn't remember where it came from. Not entirely. I remembered holding it. I remembered him putting it on. The Hateful Hazel tried to rip up those pages, I thought.
I found myself distractedly reaching for it, looking for answers. Curious eyes upon me on both sides.
"What is it...?" I whispered to myself, "its calls with warm songs."
Frowning on both sides, confused.
"This?" Castiel inquired, holding it up for my eyes to follow, "you don't remember?"
"She tried to shred our books together..." I said sadly, now realizing there was alot more missing and in the wind than just the ring, "the light is trying to catch the pages in the air and water..."
That made him sad. How could she forget, he wanted to think. But he knew. He knew very little was mine to control behind the walls.
So he forced a smile and held my hand.
"You gave it to me, remember?"
I squinted, strained and fought with the clouds. It sounded right, but that page was running away too fast. None of us could catch it.
But there were scraps left behind. Feelings and understandings without much substance and fact. Still good.
"She thinks we're married..."
Sam snorted involuntarily, "what?"
Shy Bird. Taken aback by that. "Who thinks...what now?"
I tried to focus, and hold onto the little pieces left of that page.
"The one with the biggest house for guests...She married the Lights."
All three of us understood now. Pleasantly embarrassed. Angel was smiling softly. Heart full.
"If that's what she wants."
"What...what just happened?" Sam wondered, both amused and confused.
I kissed his cheek and got up to find breakfast.
"I think I just became a married man..." Cas answered him as I walked off, "Or angel, I should say."
I found toast, and came back with one in my mouth and two in my hand, retaking my seat and rejoining the astonished conversation.
"Shouldn't you...I dunno...do it for real?" I heard Sam over the crunching in my teeth.
"Is that necessary?"
"I guess not..."
Wary but happy eyes still on me. Questioning and loving. But I was distracted already. Tiny visions and feelings striking me like light rain on the window. I drowned a chunk of toast with coffee down my throat and shoved at Sam's arm.
"Friend is in trouble," I urged him.
