I would never question Kevin's genius again after I was respectfully forced to sit down and start trying to read the rest of the tablet for myself.
What Castiel had already translated was more of a studying task for me. But now, he insisted I try the rest on my own. I wasn't even confident I could read it, considering the entire thing was technically meant for Cas. But as I delved into it, I found it to be exactly the way Kevin had described it to feel like.
It wasn't fair, since my so called Keeper had already memorized the dialect and patterns and could easily do the whole thing. But for whatever reason, he was making me do it. I think he liked the idea of being a teacher. A creepy one who stared at me from across the table as I worked through the night.
I could tell it pleased him to have someone else awake in the dark hours of the bunker, since I'd fully nocturnalized. And he took his responsibility to keep the blood flowing, so to speak, very seriously. Enough so that he got rid of all the syringes and made me start drinking like a normal person.
In the week it took me to get through the next chunk of the text, my hair had grown enough that the longer part kept falling in my eyes and it drove me absolutely nuts. Which he noticed as I was constantly pushing it back.
"Why did you cut it?" he asked me after hours of not saying a word.
I looked up irritably, the dawning of morning bringing on the fatigue and the cranky.
"I dont know, Cas, I wanted to change something. Have control over something, I guess," was my tired answer.
"Well I hate it," he interrupted my concentration again almost immediately.
I sighed into a growl, muttering,
"Well I hate you."
It stung him a little, but still he slipped out a tiny smirk.
"I don't think you do."
"Well that makes you hated, and stupid," I grumbled back into my work.
"I wish you would," he just kept going, "but I know better."
"What is this, huh? Trying to get back with me?" I snapped louder, slamming my pen down on the notebook.
"No. Just trying to understand your logic," he said calmly.
"My logic?" I repeated snidely.
"You say you hate me, maybe you do a little. But if you really didn't want me you'd be long gone. You don't have much nice to say to me, but you still do, on occasion..."
"What is your point, Cas?" I asked, absolutely exhausted. I couldn't believe he chose now, to bring all this up.
"My point is...I think you have too much pride to forgive me. Setting that aside, there's no reason why we can't be together."
"Huh...yeah that would make sense if you weren't still dying, idiot," I said condescendingly, "that, and we clearly don't belong together."
That hurt him a little more, and confused him. "How do you figure?"
"We're toxic, Cas," I said firmly, "worse than the boys. What you did proved it. You fuck up. I fuck up. And the next day everything is fine? That's not normal. It's not healthy! And I'm not going down the rabbit hole with you again! I've had enough..."
That humbled his confidence some, and he fell silent again. I yawned, pushing my hair out of my face for the millionth time and stood up stiffly.
"I'm going to bed..."
I stopped myself by the entrance to the halls, feeling his sad eyes tug at my heartstrings. I couldn't leave it like that.
"For what it's worth, Cas..." I began slowly, preparing to confess, "I love you just as much as I hate you."
