I finally came home, after a few weeks. I kept in touch with my brothers, this time, I wasn't running away like I had in the past. I convinced them I needed more time on my own. They took on a few cases in the meantime, and so did I.
The truth was, however, I needed time to for one, find my damn car. Which I did. Coughed up a ton of illegal cash off my hacked credit card to get it back, and then to repair the minor damages and failing parts in the motor. It was worth it, because I needed her. For emotional and practical reasons.
I found a fellow vamp in Chicago who specialized in building refrigeration units inside vehicles specifically for our kind. He installed under the back seat, accessible by pulling on a level and sliding the drawer out.
With that done, I had to gather a hefty supply and keep it stocked before I returned home. All the while...I was still using the herion in between feedings. Both required needles because I was disgusted with myself for taking the blood orally. Not once since turning had I shown my fangs. Resisted the urge to inspect them the mirror even. I wasn't ready to see myself like that.
My brothers were worried but not suspicious, when I stayed in my room most of the time, or in the garage "working on my car."
Dean offered to help on occasion, but I turned him down. I didn't want him or Sam near me any longer than necessary. Not until I knew I had handle on things. Not until I was sure my poker face was on point. And of course, I couldn't have them catching me retrieving blood from the car.
Admittedly, it was no life to live. In fact, it sucked. Sneaking around, uselessly high. Keeping myself fully clothed, gloves and all, in case anyone touched me and felt my cold skin. It was all so high maintenance.
Mentally exhausting.
My tolerance to the dope was high enough I could take just enough not to withdrawal, and still function and go unnoticed. I'd finally grown lonely enough to join them in the library while they were eating dinner together and watching a movie on a laptop.
"Hey!" Sam beamed, sliding a chair out for me and getting up, "a-are you hungry? There's more."
I didn't need food. I didn't get hungry. But I could eat it if I wanted. I decided to humor him, finding the simple grilled cheese they'd eaten a second night in a row more inviting that I expected.
"Sure," I said, taking a seat.
Dean took his eyes off the action movie and stared at me. My powers were up and running again, not quite like they used to, but I could still feel his little wheels turning. Worrying and wondering. Asking himself what was more wrong than usual about me.
"So...the hair, Haze, I can't hold it in anymore. What's with the hair? I mean you left on a hunt as Dee Snyder and came back Kristen Stewart. "
I giggled at his ridiculous imagery, then shrugged. "Just felt like changing, I guess."
"Well at least you didn't go full Britney," he mocked sweetly.
"I dunno, Dean. I think I could rock a shaved head," I played back, just as Sam returned with a single sandwich for me.
"I like it," Dean submitted before stuffing his face some more.
"Its...different, " Sam sort of agreed.
"That was the idea," I said, finally taking a nibble, the buttery grease slicking my leather gloves.
The warm, simple, gooey flavor of bread, butter and processed cheese was surprisingly comforting, so I began to eat like normal.
"So...that Witch...Rowena? Sounds pretty dangerous."
"Eh, we'll get her, eventually," Dean said with full cheeks.
His phone started to ring, making him forcefully swallow before looking at it and then answering.
"Cas?"
My heart lurched. No one had heard much from him in weeks, and me not at all of course. I hadn't allowed myself to consider the fact that he would sniff out my secret in no time flat should we cross paths again.
I listened the conversation with my now highly sensitive ears.
