Untold Truth

Sorry

To the one that got away,

I know you might think na baka it's just the time of the month why i am too emotional to write something about you again. Well, I will still grab this opportunity to do this so please read this until the end.

I'm sorry if i was too late and did not fight for my feelings for you, maybe you already know that I am not the type of woman na ipagsisiksikan ang sarili niya sa isang tao. Ayaw ko ng pilit na relationship, that is why i tried to give myself the time i needed to be familiar with my feelings for you. Nagdedevelope pa lang yung feelings ko for you and at the same time I was also confused with myself because hindi ko pa lubusang kilala sarili ko plus it's not my priority to have a relationship yet and i know na explain ko na to noon sayo but i just want you to remember it. Baka kasi nakalimutan mo na rin.

I don't know if you have read my letters to you, my poem for you but i know i sent it to you but if you haven't read it, i am willing to send it again to you right away. This poem that i have written months before you got tired of me only says that i already love you and i was just taking my time and by taking those time i lose my chance to tell you that i already love you.

"I really fucking like you." I was drunk, lost and wasted as I said those words to you. I ran away from you when you were asking me at school what I said that night when i was drunk all because i am ashamed of what I did. Not because of what I said.

And on the day when I asked for another chance to talk to you and you refused, I was fucking hurt. I know it was my fault, i was too late, too dumb to realize that you're tired of me already. I walked all my way to some small church along the way to the main campus where i will ride a jeep to go home, crying, and everyone was just looking at me. I asked God "why?"

Bakit Lord? Akala ko siya na kasi.... Siya eh, naiintindihan niya ako lord, akala ko gets nya bat ako ganito. Akala ko okay na. Akala ko right timing. Bakit ganon? Bakit? Why would you plan something like this for me? Is my mom's situation not enough?

Those are my questions na hanggang ngayon tanong ko pa rin, na sinasagot ko on my own. "Baka kasi may mas better na darating" or "baka di niya deserve yung isang tulad ko" or "i guess they really deserve each other". And now, marami na ang nagbago at dumating sa buhay nating dalawa but THIS is still here.

I couldn't stop myself from overthinking things mostly when you react on those stupid tweets i tweeted or reply from my stories. Your words kept me up all night, though i was always up all night. Ang weird sa pakiramdam nung sinabi mong "Ay sakitin ka nga pala" para bang sinabi mo lang rin sakin na kilala mo pa rin ako. At hindi ko maipagkakaila na natuwa ako, that it also means that I still exist for you.

I am happy that we are like that, civil or casual. Lalo na nung Ignite, You still cared for me after all those time. You also asked kung kamusta na si Mama and you know I got a strict family. Grabe dami kong feels that night.

I kept on assuring myself na naka move on na ako, na okay na ako. Telling my friends all my ventures, boys, drinks, and small self achievements. Nakipag laro, nagseryoso and they are all rooting for my happiness sa lahat ng lalaking nakausap ko. Tanginang yan.

Everytime I chose to be serious with someone and commit myself to these relationships, palagi pa rin nag fe-fail. At palagi pa rin kita naiisip and all my why's and what if's will follow.

And now I just want to say sorry to you. If you think i am being pushy and makulit. I know this is so immature and that you still like her and will still wait for her. I don't really know what is the purpose of this message/letter but I hope this will reach you.

I still got a lot of words to say to you but you might be tired of these already. Baka nga itama mo pa ang iilang mali kong grammar. You're now better than me in English though I was never confident with my english except nung nalasing ako. Lol.

So there, yeah, Klippy is still with me. All clean and i still cuddle with it when I am sleeping but sometimes I use it as my pillow. Lol. He's now an EXO-L, too. *Sighs*

I feel better now. As for now.
Thank you and I'm sorry again.

-Ang dati mong paborito