Little Starlights | Mark Lee

♪ | twenty three

I was afraid that I'd get cut by your sharp, knife-like words

VIXX - Error ♪

For a moment I felt nothing. Empty. Void of all emotion. Was I seeing things? Was this really happening? It was like I wasn't letting myself truly see what was in front of me.

"Mark?"

At the sound of my voice, he was quick to push Sunny off of him. He looked startled. Of course he was. He had just gotten caught kissing someone else.

The moment our eye met, all the emotion I lacked came crashing down on me. My heart shattering into a million little pieces. I turned to leave. Tears quickly forming in my eyes, threatening to fall.

"Seyeon! Wait!" Mark ran after me, but the members stopped him. Telling him not to make a scene.

I felt a thousand stares as I moved away from the scene. I heard people's whispers and felt them already creating rumors. He was too loud, calling after me. My poor face-mask wasn't enough to cover my identity anymore.

I wanted to turn around. Oh, how much I wanted to do that, but I couldn't... I shouldn't.

So I ran.

𖥸

September 5th
70 days to debut

I sat on the far left of the practice room. I had avoided Mark the whole day. I felt like a mess. I looked like a mess. Practicing the small dance steps for my song was all I could do to get my mind off the pain. Off the overwhelming thoughts I was having. Off Mark.

I hated how simple the choreography was. I wanted something more exhausting. Something that would take all my energy away. All my thoughts away.

"Finally, I found you," Mark stood at the door, looking sadly at my pitiful figure on the floor.

He came closer to me, speaking as he walked, "have you been here all day? Why haven't you picked up your phone?" He finally sat next to me. I turned away in an attempt to cover my dehydrated face. He sighed, "won't you at least look at me?" I didn't move.

"I'm so sorry, Seyeon. What you saw yesterday... it wasn't what it seemed. I- she-"

"You don't need to explain. I already know."

He stayed quiet for a moment. The silence in the vast room felt heavy. Tension filled the air as he gathered his thoughts, "it's been a year," he stated, making me turn to look at him, not knowing what he was referring to. "A year since I broke up with her. She was my first love, or at least, I thought she was. She cheated on me, that's how it ended."

His eyes were low; fixed on the ground. Not daring to look at me. "I knew she wasn't over it. I knew it. Her constant calling... how mean she was to you... I knew she hadn't let me go. And yesterday... I didn't know she'd kiss me. I swear I didn't. I- I don't care about her, Seyeon. I-"

"Still," I finally spoke, "what happened yesterday was reckless. It shouldn't have happened, and I get it. I know you don't care about her, but..." I placed a hand on his cheek as he faced me, "it made me realize, that maybe... we shouldn't be doing this."

I couldn't read his expression at all. My heart ached in my chest, knowing what I was about to say would ruin everything we had built.

"It was your debut yesterday... and I almost ruined it. If your friends hadn't stopped you from coming after me, do you know what could've happened? People were staring enough as it was..." I lowered my eyes, ashamed of my reasoning.

"Who cares what people think?"

"I do, Mark. Those people make or break us. I've already been part of a scandal, do you want that to happen again? Cause I sure don't. And yesterday... what if someone had taken out their phone and recorded us?" My eyes began to water, "do you know what people have called me? 'An attention seeking whore that shouldn't be let debut cause she'll just ruin other idols' reputations.' They've called me easy, ugly, they haven't wasted one day without telling me how much better the world would be without me. And that's just because of a stupid photo with my friend. My friend," I exhaled as the tears started to fall, "do you know what they'd say if we were found out? Do you what that'd do to you? To your group? To be involved with someone that's already not liked as it is?"

"They don't have to know. We can keep it a secret," he tried to comfort me as he wiped away the tears my eyes kept shedding. "We can't. They'll figure it out. We'll slip at some point and they'll be right there, ready to hate us."

I knew I was selfish. I knew I was breaking his heart, but I was afraid. Afraid that everything I had worked so hard for would fall apart right in front of me.

"I'm sorry..." by then I was a crying mess. He tightly embraced me. I could hear his breathing hitch on my shoulder.

God, why is this so hard?

I pulled away, trying to collect my breath, when his lips fell on mine. He held the back of my neck as he softly kissed me.

We shouldn't be doing this. I can't do this.

"Mark-"I pushed myself off with a hand on his chest just for a second before he kissed me again. This time more roughly. I could taste the bittersweet tears that rolled down his face. What was I doing? How could I possibly let him go? I kissed back, letting myself melt in the moment. But as soon as it came, it left.

Idiot. You'll only end up hurting yourself. Hurting him.

The voices in my head kept yelling at me to let go, to run away, to hide.

Coward. You're such a coward. Go! Run away! You'll just ruin his life anyway.

I pushed him off again. This time, resting my forehead on his. I tried my best to collect my thoughts, but who was I kidding? I was a mess, "I can't do this... I'm sorry..."

And just like that, I left.

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Yo Yo

Double update today, cuz these two chapters needed to be read together :))

How do you guys feel about Seyeon right now ?
Do you think she did the right thing ?

~ Mel 💚