ISSUES II outer banks s1/s2

like field trips

"We used to hold hands like field trips."


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JJ suggests to go back to the others so I can explain them what has been going on with Rafe. Doing that, we just walk next to each other so no one would notice. 

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"I had something going on with a pogue last year but he dumped me", I begin weirdly since this was about one of them, "Well, it didn't end well. I thought, wow, the pogues are no saints either so I could really hang out with pogues and kooks depending on the certain person if they are friendly to me. Rafe used to flirt with me in a nice way."

"I think I have to throw up", Kie groans with a disgusted expression on her face. "Kie, let her talk", Pope smiles at me softly. "Thanks, P", I return his smile an go on, "Then Topper, Sarah and I used to hang out even more when Sarah and Kie were friends and I got to know Rafe closer. I mean, we've all been close already so it kind of happened and he was really not as bad as you think. Plus, I didn't tell you guys because I really didn't want to have to decide between all of you. I knew you wouldn't like it. You guys are my family, I would never turn my back on you. Kie, your parents let me stay at your house since we've been little. With that, they offered me a great chance to get away from New York. All they're asking for is that we're not getting into trouble. I just really try to not make them problems but also hang out with everyone I like. I'm not Sarah's best friend and I'll always have your back, Kie, but we get along and I'd appreciate it if you would accept that. About Rafe, we're not even together anymore. So I hope that you're all fine with that."

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"What about the pogue? Maybe he didn't even dump you?", John B of all people asked. He knew exactly that I meant him. What else did he do then? I smile not letting anyone see that he confused me, "I guess he didn't appreciate me. I wasn't good enough for him which is funny since I always try to please everyone. Maybe that's my mistake."

"JJ, why are you so calm?", Kie wonders.

Maybe because we're together and he knew the details about Rafe's and I relationship.

"She said it's over and I'm not in the mood for a fight with those privileged kids", he shrugs his shoulders. I chuckle mentally thinking back to how he would have loved to have a fight with Rafe earlier. "Pope?", I look at him hopefully. Pope is always so careful and smart and he listens to me before he judges my decision or behavior which I really appreciate. He completes our group perfectly and I care about his opinion a lot. "I'm not comfortable with imagining Rafe and you but you said that it's over anyways. Just don't lie to us again. That's what actually disappoints me", he tells me seriously so I really feel bad. He didn't try to make me feel bad. It's just whenever someone's nice to me after I admit a mistake, I feel even worse for having done something that is not alright.

"I won't", I nod. I would almost promise it to him but I remember that JJ and I kind of lie to them about us so I call it more like telling them soon.

"John B?", JJ faces our adventurous best friend who looked thoughtfully. "At least it's over", he agrees with the others so we can finally hang out again normally.

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"What were you trying to tell me indirectly earlier?", John B stops me when the two of us stand in his kitchen while the others wait for us to bring them whatever food we could find in here. "I wasn't trying to tell you something. I explained why I appreciated Rafe being nice to me. If you hadn't dumped me after that night, I might have fallen for us but you did and Rafe kind of distracted me", I admit and shrug my shoulders. Of course, I didn't use Rafe to get over John B, I fell in love with him later. But before I was hurt by John B, I had thought that all kooks are bad and only a pogue could love me. Turned out, it's been the other way around.

"I didn't dump you, that's bullshit!" "Then what did you do?", I furl my eyebrows not understanding why this would annoy him so much. "You were the one who created distance between us", John B claims quietly as if he was afraid to talk about it.

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"Hey", I shyly greet John B in the kitchen not knowing what else to do after last night. We've had sex before but he looks different this morning, "Are you alright?"

"Yes", he quickly answers but repeats himself as if he had to make himself believe it. "Are you sure? You look like you regret it", I furl my eyebrows skeptically. I would like to say that I am prepared to be hurt but I'm not. He would tear my world apart after all those nights if he dumped me now. We used to hold hands like field trips for the past weeks. But now he looks way too long to answer so my suspicion seemed to be right.

"You do, huh? Wow, John B, I didn't believe that out of all people it's you to treat me like that. To play with me", I shake my head disappointed feeling sick already. How could I even go this far with my best friend? It's wrong and I knew it. "That's not it", he shakes his head.

"What else is it then?", I yell loosing my mind. Usually, I never shout at anyone but no one has ever hurt me like that. I remember how Rafe flirted with me a week ago and how Topper tried to persuade me to go on a date with Rafe but I thought he would only play with me and that it could ruin our friendship. A kook who only wants to have fun. Turns out, pogues aren't better.

"I can't tell you", John B replies without an emotion in his voice so I turn around and grab my stuff to leave this house.

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"Looks like we're at the same point again", I whisper knowing that John B remembers our last intimate conversation in the same moment as I did. "Iz, let me explain it", he pleads but I tell him that it's best if we just dropped it. It's JJ and I.