Love Will Remember (DLS#1)

CHAPTER 21: BEG

Chapter 21: Beg

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Two weeks, it's been two weeks since I changed my phone number, opened my social media accounts and saw Alec at the mall.

I let my cousins and parents know about my new phone number, also Nate. But I didn't told anyone about what happened to me and Alec. I change my number not because he keeps on bugging me. The truth is, he didn't even bother to talk to me or contact me. Everytime someone will ask about Alec's whereabouts I would just simply answer 'he's busy'.

In those two weeks I've been thinking about us. About everything. The why's, what if's and that girl.

Napagod na ba s'ya?

May bago na ba s'ya?

Why did he suddenly left me hanging?

What happened to Alec I know?

Where did I go wrong?

I hardly sleep at night. Have you ever wanted to cry but no tears came out, so you just stare blankly into space while feeling your heart break into pieces. Those days without him made me lonely. Maybe because he was always there for me. And now that he's not here, I dont know what to do anymore.

My own thoughts are slowly killing me. 

Di ko namalayan na tumutulo na pala ang mga luha ko. I hugged my pillow tight and curled to my bed. I cried all night questioning myself where did I go wrong.

At the same time, realizing that I already love him. He already became a big part of me. S'ya ang naging sandalan ko. He taught me many things, he helped me a lot, he inspired me to do better, he's my comfort and he's the one Im inlove with.

The thing the I feared the most is now happening. Being left by someone important to me. Losing someone that I love. Being left behind.

Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pa bang gumising bukas at umakto na okay lang lahat. I never shared to anyone, not even Nate. I wanna tell him but I know he's dealing with his own personal problems. Ayoko dumagdag.

I cried hard that night. Oreo came inside my room and slept beside me. Looks like he knows Im in pain. Naalala ko ulit yung araw na binigay n'ya sakin si Oreo. I was so happy back then, parang kahapon lang ang saya namin. And now? I don't know what to feel anymore.

Parang may kulang. Kahit saan ako pumunta, may kulang. And I know it's him.

I did tried my best to understand him. Hindi naman ako naging pabigat diba? Hindi naman ako nangulit o namilit na mabigyan n'ya ng oras. We were doing just fine then In a snap he just went missing.

I need answers. I need to know why. Ayoko umiyak lang ng umiyak. Pero wala akong karapatan diba? Wala namang kami. Mas lalo akong naguluhan kung ano ang dapat kong gawin.

Should I confront him? Should I try to reach out for him? Hindi naman masama diba? We somehow shared and spent memories together. Napasabunot ako sa sariling buhok. This is very frustrating!

Being attached to someone without any label is hard. Dahil wala kang karapatan. Kahit gaano mo s'ya kamahal, kung walang kayo wala kang karapatan sa kanya.

The next day, I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped off the bed and showered. I wore sweater and jeans paired with sneakers and went out. I didn't even bother to look at myself in the mirror. I look hell, I know. But who cares?

I called our driver earlier to pick me up. But not because I'll go to school. I'll skip my morning class for today. No use of being inside the class when all I think about is him. I gave our driver the address of his condo. I know his unit and passcode. I've been here few times.