Sanders Sides x Reader [ONESHOTS AND PREFERENCES]

Neglected || Janus x Depressed!Fem!Reader (2/2)

[RECAP]

The emotionally drained girl downed the bottle at once, without thinking. If she had stalled any longer, she wouldn't have went through with it. At first, a wave of nausea hit her to then become quite dizzy. She fell backwards and hit her head on the edge of the sink. She now laid unconscious on tbe  the bathroom floor.

There was one thing she forgot: Janus was coming to pick her up to bring her back to Thomas' house.

[PRESENT // JANUS' POV] TW: SWEARING.

I let myself into (Y/N)'s house after getting out my car. I'll admit, I felt incredibly weird going in a costume as a grown adult by myself, although I won't be by myself for very long.

"(Y/N)?" I called out, the only thing that was making noise was my heart rate getting increasingly faster as she didn't reply. "Are you there?" She doesn't drive and hates getting on public transport, so I doubt she would just leave, especially without telling one of us.

The wooden staircase creaked beneath my feet, making me even more nervous. If that was possible. There was light seeping through the bottom of the bathroom door at the end of the hallway, something's not right...

"Are you in here?" I asked. A stupid question, really. The door opened to reveal (Y/N) laying unconscious, head propped up against the bathtub. "(Y/N)!" There was an empty bottle of pills that rolled out from her hand. Oh fuck. Is it bad to say she looks kinda cute? YES YOU IDIOT SHE'S UNCONSCIOUS! What am I thinking anyway? She wouldn't like me.

[TIMESKIP]

What the fuck am I gonna do? The love of my life (who doesn't actually know I like her) tried to kill herself with a whole bottle of pills. I didn't even know what the pills were as I was too focused on keeping her alive but, in all honesty, I didn't want to know because I feel like that would just push me over the edge.

I told the others what happened when visiting hours were eventually over: I really couldn't believe she would try to do something like that. Did someone else cause this? Or... was it me? Oh my god. What if it was me? I'm never going to be live with myself if that is the case-

"Janus! Snap out of it!" Logan ordered and clicked his fingers in front of my face, I must've been showing my concern a bit too much. "I'm sure she'll be fine, she's always been strong. Who's to say all of a sudden she won't survive now?"

"Thank you, Logan, that helps so much. You've completely unfucked my entire state of mind." I shot back at him, and I can tell he's worried about her as well. He just gave me yet another deadpan expression.

"Are you here for Ms. (L/N)?" A nurse that just came out of (Y/N)'s room asked us.

"Yes, we are." Logan answered for the two of us, if I spoke to someone who wasn't (Y/N) right now I'd probably throw up. I just need to know she's safe.

"Her breathing and heartbeat are stabilised, she's just in a coma, and we doubt it will be for long. You can see her now, though, if you want to." She smiled at us and walked away, most likely to see to another patient and their family. Logan turned to face me, he was probably more worried about how I would react to seeing her laying there unconscious again. I wouldn't be surprised if that counts as a traumatic experience.

[3RD PERSON]

Weeks passed as (Y/N) laid there, still, like a disturbing portrait. It was now December. On the other hand, Janus visited her every day without fail and would wait until the nurses told him to leave or one of the others dragged him out. 

Unfair. This is completely unfair, is what he told himself everyday. Every single day when he visited he would blame himself. Why? We don't know as he couldn't of known she would do this, he feels like he did know from the beginning. When he finally rules himself out, he then blames the others for not seeing her touch-starved state sooner. 

"Um, excuse me, sir?" Just like the previous days, a nurse brought him out of his thoughts. This time, however, she was here to tell him that (Y/N) had woken up.

"Yeah, I know, visiting hours are over-" he got cut off.

"What? No, you still have a couple more hours. I'm just telling you that Ms. (L/N) is awake." The woman could barely get her sentence finished before Janus bolted for her room. When he made it there, another nurse was checking her vitals.

"(Y/N)?" He couldn't believe his eyes. She was finally awake. Granted she didn't look her best, but he didn't care. He was trying not to scream...so he started crying instead. That- that's actually a lot of tears. Oh now he's hugging her. 

"Janus," she meekly muttered into his ear as he embraced her. "You're crying." She looks surprised but, to be honest, probably shouldn't be.

"Obviously!" He tried not to shout but the amount of emotions he was feeling right now were overwhelming. "You overdosed and then got put in a coma for two months!" She flinched at the volume of his voice and at the mention of the overdose. "What were you thinking?" He asked, but then remembered this is probably a bit much on her almost deathbed.

"I-I don't know, I was thinking nobody really cared that much," she shrugged and looked to the side. Her face burning up. She didn't like confronting feelings, but she knew Janus would never let this slide. "Before you shout at me-" He flinched at her low, surprisingly calm voice. "I'm sorry." He looked at her in disbelief, but also guilt.

"Don't be. If anyone should be apologising, it should be me." (Y/N) looked back at him, non-verbally telling him to elaborate. "I knew about what was happening, I knew how hard it was for you to even have the motivation to get out of bed, I knew about all of it! But no, instead of telling someone else, I kept my mouth shut in fear..."

"In fear of what?" She quoted, continuing to look incredulously at him.

"Fear of the love of my life hating me..." It was his turn to look down in embarrassment. 

[(Y/N)'s POV]

Oh shit. Is he being serious? Does he actually return my feelings? Oh fuck.

"I understand if you hate me now, I'm sorry."

"Janus." Fuck it, we only get one life and I nearly just lost mine. Might as well start trying to be happy for once. He reluctantly looked up. "I mean this in the nicest way possible but... shut up." 

His eyebrow slightly raised, trying to conceal his feelings again.

"I could never hate you. You know I couldn't, I mean...why would I hate someone for having the same feelings as me?" I laughed dryly, but his facial expression didn't change so the atmosphere became awkward. His turn to telepathically ask me to elaborate. "Alright fine, I'll say it. I love you."

"I-I love you too!" I said before my brain processed what he just said. He stared at me for a moment, our eyes locking the other's attention. He then did that weird nose exhale of a laugh, to then actually start laughing I'm assuming what was oht of relief.

"I'm so glad you do," his gaze wandered to my left eye, then the right, and down to my lips. Without warning, he kissed me.

WC: 1322

Sorry for the HUGE gap of updates, I blame the writers block and finally going into Year 10...and also, y'know...Corona.