Boku No Hero Academia One Shots [Book 2]

Shouto Todoroki

Requested by: Bakuhoe-Katsuki69

[A/N]: Gosh, this one is kinda personal. Some lines are taken directly from something I'm writing on my self-image.

Trigger Warnings: Depression, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Mention of Past Self-Harm (if you squint).

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A single-second judgement can seal your fate.

If your differences are easily noticed, if you fail to qualify as 'perfect', or even just 'acceptable', society outcasts you. Their preconceived notions of the ideal fail to resonate, fail to motivate...so food becomes your comfort. You proceed, clinging to the vestiges of happiness - the light you once knew. You binge. You purge. You say, "Tomorrow will be different - the day I get on track!", but the cycle won't break. This nervous repetition consumes your day-to-day, as you recognise the smooth curvature of your stomach with disdain. You don't feel in control, so you submit completely. Life is a game, but you don't want to play it. You're entangled within a web of complacency, doing without ever actually questioning - they are pretty, they are thin...they won the lottery, and you just lost.

You have a defect.

You are a defect.

You could be pitied, but never loved. Not until you had a figure void of any surplus. It was a delicate matter, something that trapped you and swore you to silence. It was agony, cleverly veiled. Shouto, who must have been lured to you by some dark force, was dense; he fell victim to your deception. But...what monster lied as you did? The scars littering your heart leaked blood, like the etching upon your tombstone, as all the guilt, all the sorrow...as it all became unbearable. How could you lie?...How could you not? Shouto's childhood, the abuse he suffered at the hands of his father...surely that held more importance and was more deserving of support, than whatever you were facing? Everything inside your head...mental illness was a myth, wasn't it? You wanted attention - to steal the spotlight from the worthy, the ones who didn't just survive, but who thrived, who fed off your misery.

Strip away the façade. You could do that now, in private, where your strings of sobs and snotty nose wouldn't cause offence. Your eyes wandered over to the mirror - why hadn't you broken that? Your self-scrutiny was harsh, but how could you appreciate the beautiful, if all you saw was the horrifying?

You were a stain on Shouto's perfect image, on his reputation. What did he see in you? Where lay the beauty, beneath the beast? Was he proud to call you his lover, or did he secretly wallow in shame? Why did he allow himself to be seen with you? You, whose lack of motivation and focus was resulting in poor grades and health, were the worst possible match-up for Shouto, who was studious and driven. If you just lost some weight, a few pounds maybe...would you be happy? But you weren't exercising as you needed, and you were constantly shovelling down junk, in order to cope with your feelings. You couldn't commit to anything - diets, fitness plans...nothing seemed to work. Nothing made you happy. You sunk further into the abyss with each passing day.

Nobody seemed to care.

This was alright - you had grown immune to the occasional, false compliment, but not to the words of your oppressors. They were unrefined in their torture, but elegance and efficiency were separate for a reason. Their words were daggers, red-hot pincers, even a skull-cracker. The pressure was immense. The pressure to change, to become something you could never hope to be - a better version of yourself. Shouto was certainly deluded, if he thought there was anything right about you. Why were you ever on his radar? Your position in his heart should be forfeit.