The Empress Wears Gucci

71

         "Your Majesty, this is a well-written poem! Mind if I ask if it's about Madame Chang Ying?" one of my maids looked behind my shoulder. She studied it well.

         "Yes. It is about her," I nodded, then turning my face to look up at her. "Next time, would you mind not peeking over my shoulder when I am writing things?"

         The maid gulped. Her flyaways from her hair flew as she quickly got on her knees and kowtowed to me. "Please forgive my incompetence, Your Majesty!"

         I held my breath as I stared at the back of her head. Perhaps it was just a mistake and not something I should be worried about. But, I haven't been able to properly think so my paranoia levels are high. 

         With a gentle stroke of the brush, I finished my last words and placed the brush on the brush holder. Still watching the stillness of the maid, I took a quick sip of my tea. I placed the cup down gently beside the paper. "Get up."

         "I apologize, Your Majesty," the maid immediately got up. She bowed deeply. "I didn't mean to anger you!"

         My eyes continued to scan my poem, ignoring my maid. I gave her a hand signal to leave, and she quickly walked down. I was too busy to care about my surroundings. I needed peace and quiet. 

          Writing this poem helped me out a lot. Guan Shu, Rong Er, and now Chang Ying. The three people that I cared about are dead. I don't want to lose another person. Hua Er was kept safe, I was thankful. She was always with me, and I promised Lei Shu that I'll keep her safe. 

          I didn't want to cry again. This isn't how I wanted to mourn over Chang Ying, which is why I wrote a long poem. My poetry is not the worst nor the best, but it keeps me sane. If Chang Ying is dead, along with her family, at least she lives eternally in this poem. I'll embroider a beautiful silk embroidery of Guan Shu and Rong Er resting in my bedroom as well. 

          Staying inside my estate was depressing and I wanted to talk to Su Yin again. She was the only one I could talk with about Chang Ying. Su Yin knew her. She knew Chang Ying better than I did and it was a fact.

         I've been taking more strolls. Although there was an umbrella over me almost all the time, I still enjoyed the summer scenery. Just without the sun. Keeping my mind cleared and unclustered was a top priority for me. An empress cannot think with a disorganized mind.

        Su Yin and I walked slowly. After a few minutes, I chose to unscrew the bottle and spill.

        "Do you miss her?" I asked, shifting my head to the right to look at Su Yin. I studied her face as she pursed her lips.

        She hesitated for a bit before looking back at me. "Unfortunately yes. I do, Your Majesty. Chang Ying is one of my closest friends."

         "Are you mad at me?" I asked immediately after. 

          Her eyes continued to meet mine. She opened her mouth to say something but shook her head. After I turned away, Su Yin continued to look at me. She watched me as I looked straight ahead. Our pace was the same. We walked slowly, letting the summer air and the scenery around us embrace us. There was no one out during this time.

        "You can never do anything to anger me, Empress," Su Yin let out a soft sigh. She looked down and rubbed her stomach gently. "I believe that everything you do is ultimately the right thing to do. Besides, I would've done the same."

         Would she? Anyone can say that they would've done the same, or would've done things differently but do the opposite when they are in the moment. People believe they can handle a situation they are watching from afar. When it comes to dealing with the situation, they might oppose their original views they had.