The Empress Wears Gucci

60

        The weather was warmer. I enjoyed the summer breeze brushing past my skin as I had my front doors open to whoever. The sounds of birds chirping helped me concentrate on the text I was reading. Ancient Chinese literature was something I was engrossed in. Besides, there was not much to do. The Empress Dowager will be hosting a banquet in a few days, and I'll have to attend. That was all the plans I had for this week.

        I still haven't spoken to Chang Ying. I would catch myself picturing scenarios of what would happen if we both spoke to each other. This time, I didn't want to be confrontational. It was too risky. I'd catch Chang Ying in the act and test her, but I was still healing and putting the puzzle pieces together myself. 

        It was around seven in the morning, I kept yawning but I woke up early for a reason. Jaxon had informed me that today was the day where they will discuss who the next empress will be.

        Reading with a loud mind was hard. As I continued to concentrate on the book, I couldn't stop thinking about what was happening in the assembly. Court officials would rip me to pieces. Although I was still favoured, I couldn't match up to the powerful officials. 

       They had a say in everything. I didn't. 

       The Emperor already broke a rule for me; I was slightly meddling with national affairs. I was a woman. I wasn't allowed to speak my mind about subjects like that, but I did. The Emperor had praised me for my high intelligence, but we both know I'm deemed to be incapable of doing anything but be his consort. 

        It frustrated me. I shouldn't even be surprised. History has never favoured letting women win, and I liked winning.

       "Greetings to Madame Ying Yue." Jaxon walked to the front of my seat and bowed. 

       I put my book face down on the table next to me quickly. My feet were up and running to the front doors. As I closed them, I turned around to face Jaxon, alarmed as I did. "Are you crazy? You're not a guard anymore, you don't have an excuse to be here!"

       Jaxon stood tall, wearing a navy blue mianfu with brocade material. He looked much better in this attire, rather than the ridiculously bulky guard uniform. His hair was in a topknot bun with a silver headpiece to secure it. I've been so used to this hairstyle, that if I saw a man with casually short hair, I'd be confused. 

       Anyways, he looked attractive.

        "I still have my guard status," Jaxon raised an eyebrow in amusement. "I'm a two for one combo, remember?"

        I chuckled.

        "Right, why are you here? I thought we were going to meet up at the pavilion?" I peeked out the door to see if anyone saw. The area around my estate was empty. Perhaps it was because it was seven in the morning.

       I hated having to poke my head out just to see if there was anyone outside. The paranoia was killing me. I didn't want to speak to Jaxon in private—this prevented us from seeing each other often, which is not what I wanted. Although we are in this together, I still feel like alone. I couldn't disclose any information to anyone because I was scared. Jaxon was the only person I could tell everything to.

        Two people have already betrayed me. I don't want a third one. Hua Er was the only person I trusted sincerely, but we never speak about going back home. Jaxon knew everything. He could relate to me. We always meet once a week and it hits me hard because no one will understand me except for him.

       Even then, I still felt alone. I didn't know where to go. I didn't know what I was doing here in Imperial China. What lesson was I supposed to learn? What do I even do? Technically we didn't have a plan. I'm going with the flow, but I would like confirmation that I was going somewhere. I needed to go home, I did, but I wonder if there was any reasoning behind putting me here.