The Empress Wears Gucci

85

       We decided to leave.

       It was too dangerous for us, and I didn't want another rebellion knocking at my door. If I leave, the Emperor could be in peace. I couldn't think about the Emperor too much. Reflecting upon the memories I had with him was hard because we ended up being great friends. 

       The Emperor and I had a rough start in the beginning, but he made an impact on me. He was a great ruler; he made me feel empowered and assisted me after I could finally win his trust. I don't blame him anymore and neither do I want to. I had to let go of the past, but never the memories. With me being around, I felt as if I was tugging at his sleeve. I felt as if I was preventing him from truly prevailing. 

        He lost a woman he loved a lot, other than Wan Er. 

       Chang Ying.

        I was at the fault for that. Now that I will be leaving soon, will he end up finding someone else to love? He had all these concubines but he didn't truly love any. Niu Lin was the only Imperial Noble Consort as of now, and the Emperor still hasn't promoted anyone to take the second slot.

       The thought of the Emperor with Niu Lin didn't make me cringe. I accepted it. I was neutral about it. Niu Lin is somebody that I never expected to like, but here I am. I'd like to think I took full credit for transforming her into a better woman. 

       We talked. The Emperor and I talked in the morning and he was fairly worried about me. He gave me a lot of his love and affection, more than before. It was sort of weird but I guess it was because of the situation we went through.

      The second prince was executed with torture involved. The Emperor didn't disclose the torture methods even when I begged. I did enjoy the sound of him being tortured. He deserved it and I had no mercy for someone like that. Between him and Prince Jing, I hated the second prince more. Maybe it was because Jaxon was harmed during his operation.

       When I did speak to the Emperor, I wanted to tell him I was leaving soon. It was not a good time. It wasn't... but he had to know soon.

       He was a great person; a great friend after all the shenanigans we've been through. I couldn't imagine not seeing him anymore. I still wanted to be there to help him out with a few things every week. Today, I did a lot of reflecting. I mainly laid on my throne with Hua Er on my side, who was pacing back and forth nervously while I was lost in my thoughts. She was quiet today, and I knew why. 

        I was going to leave soon. 

       My maids were already dismissed. 

        I was known to be eccentric living here as well as back in my era. But here, I was even more than that. 

       Empress Han, was the empress they've never seen before. I was sure I made history. I was sure that I impacted this nation. Not only did I impact this empire, but they impacted me as well. I learned a lot from here; many skills and values I can take home. No one will bow to me and treat me with as much respect as people treat me here, but I have gained the knowledge and wisdom of a lifetime. 

       Did I want to stay? That was the question I kept repeating in my head. I wanted to leave and go back to my family, but I could do so many things for this country. I had ideas and creativity. I could reign not as a trophy wife, but a leader.

        I lost my train of thought when I saw Jaxon climb into the window. The bandaged wrap around his chest was hidden under his mianfu, and he looked normal. If you saw him, you wouldn't think he was in pain. Nonetheless, the wound was minor.