Cherry

12. I will always be a liar

***

You ask a question and I lied
I think about it all the time
I was wrong to think I'm right

Harry

Things had been going really good. Like, really good. My mum came into town and we had dinner with Cash. Then Cash had lunch with my mum the next day and told me how much it meant to her. Things were back to a good place.

I was slowly getting to know Cash more and more everyday in a different way. It feels like there were things I once forgot about her and I was rediscovering them again. I felt certain that I was in love with her. I know we were supposed to take things slow but I can't help my feelings for her. Every time I saw her my heart stopped and when she wasn't with me I was so lost. 

I was slowly getting to know her facial features and read her eyes better. She always looked at me with such adoration and when I annoyed her then she'd draw here eyebrows together slightly. 

Things were going amazing, until I screwed up and she hasn't talked to me in three days. 

Four days ago Cash and I decided she'd stay at my place for the night. We weren't having sex but we both just missed being with each other so I convinced her to spend the night. It was amazing.

It felt like no time had passed. We cooked, laughed, had an easy conversation about our future, then we went to bed. Having her back in my arms was close to perfection if it wasn't already. Waking up was even better because we just laughed all morning at stupid things. 

I almost told her that I loved her but I wanted to make the moment special. A lot of our intimate moments like that were tainted by Jared in our relationship before and I wanted to make new memories that would just be for us. So, I plan on taking her to the cottage for a weekend getaway of just us and our horses with no phones. 

Then we had lunch and my phone went off so I asked her to check it for me. I don't have anything to hide, she can go through my phone anytime and I know I can go through hers. We aren't weird about those things but we also trust each other so there's never a need for us to look at the other's phones. We both know there is nothing to hide. 

I'm back in LA if you wanna repeat what happened last time in my hotel room. Room 226 at the Mariott. I'll be naked. I've missed you Harry xx

That's what the text read and as Cash read it out I heard it in her voice, her trust was gone. 

My blood ran cold as I looked at the message. I didn't even have the number saved so I couldn't see who sent it. 

"Cash,  I definitely have not cheated since we've been back together," I pleaded with my phone on the counter. 

It was true, I definitely did not cheat, but I haven't been honest either.

"You told me you hadn't been with anyone. When I asked a few weeks ago you said you hadn't been with anyone since we broke up. You lied," she wasn't crying. She wasn't yelling. She was just very disappointed and that hurt worse than anything.

"Cash, please just let me explain," I felt like everything we had worked for was slipping away.

"So it's true! You lied," She was at a loss for words.

 "Please listen, it was two months after we broke up and I was in so much fucking pain and I just wanted to feel numb so I went to a bar and got shit faced drunk. I don't even remember it. I just remember waking up in that hotel room and leaving. I felt like shit after. Cash, you have to believe me that I never wanted to hurt you." Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I knew I royally fucked up.

"You don't even get it," she laughed in disbelief. "Please, don't call me." She said beginning to leave.

"Cash, we need to talk about this, please. I never cheated. I would never cheat! I didn't want to hurt you," I pleaded feeling lost. 

"You seriously don't get it," she shook her head and took a deep breath. "Harry, you sleeping with someone after we broke up isn't the problem. I'm not mad about that at all. You lied, and don't you dare say it was to spare my fucking feelings. You lied, Harry. Fuck, I trusted you again, we were building a new life together. You know what I see when I look at you right now? A liar."

She didn't say anything else as she walked out of my house and left me feeling empty. I really screwed up and I didn't know I could fix this.

These past three days had been absolute hell. It was worse than the first time we broke up because I knew it was my fault. I don't even know why I couldn't just tell her I had been with someone. 

I felt so numb and empty. I hadn't talked to anyone, I couldn't sleep. I tortured myself by listening to her music and staring at pictures of us. Gosh, why did I do this?

It was her eyes, all the walls we had torn down together immediately built back up as her trust in me vanished. I didn't know if we could fix this and that scared me more than anything.

***

And I know I wasn't doing all the right things

Thought what you didn't know could never hurt (so sorry 'bout it)

But when the words slipped out, it struck like lightning

Yeah, keeping it from you just made it worse