Seeing her just made reality sink in, we are two different people now. I didn't even know how to make conversation with her. Sarah's birthday was a week ago and we haven't seen each other since. I knew she would be at the cottage today. She always went on Friday evenings. I don't know why I felt like I needed to see her again. I wanted to see her again. I didn't know if it was a good or bad idea at this point. I hadn't talked to Gemma or my mum about this, I didn't even know what to say. I could barely understand what I was thinking and feeling.
I saw her car when I pulled in. I assumed she'd be at the lake. Friday evenings watching the sun go down, we used to do that. I saddled Golden before going off to the lake. I was trying to think of what I would say, how I would explain why I came. But, I didn't know. The only explanation I had was that I wanted to see her.
She was sat with her feet in the water, even from where I was she looked beautiful. I put Golden next to She and walked on the pier towards Cash. When she saw me her eyes went wide and she smiled softly.
"Hi, I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd be here." She was being very bashful. I was used to her confidence around me but I guess neither of us knew how to act now when it came to each other.
"It's no problem. I, uh, I knew you'd be here."
"Oh?"
"I just," breathHarry. We always were honest with each other so why stop now? "I wanted to see you."
"You did?" She was shocked. I don't know why that hurt. Why wouldn't I want to see her?
"Yeah, I guess. . . It was just nice seeing you at Sarah's and I guess I thought. . . I don't know, honestly." I sighed crossing my legs. "How have you been?"
"I've been really good," her smile and sincere words made me happy. I smiled back at her waiting for her to continue. "My therapy sessions are really helping, it's not just about Jared. It's all these things I guess I've had bottled up for a while that I didn't even realize I was holding onto. It's been really nice, I'm starting to feel like who I'm supposed to be."
"I'm really happy for you, Cash. Your smile says it all, you look great." She blushed at my words before fiddling with her hands.
"So, tell me about you?" Her request was timid, she almost seemed afraid to ask me. "Anything or anyone interesting?" So, that's what she wanted to know.
"I've been good, done a bit of reflecting and meditating on life. Trying to figure out who I am is that who I want to be? But, other than that no, nothing interesting." I made sure to look into her eyes when I said, 'no.' I don't know why I felt so imperative that she needed to know I wasn't in a relationship.
"Me either." She smiled.
So we were both single.
"Tell me something new."
We stayed by lake for 3 hours talking and laughing. It always amazed me how when she spoke about her life she spoke with confidence. She never used to do that, she was always too afraid of saying the wrong thing. They're so many differences but also many things that are the same.
She still blushed when there was intense eye contact. She still bit her lip when she was in deep thought. Her eyebrows still furrowed together when she was upset. Her frown was still prominent as she spoke about the things in the world she hated. She still cracked her knuckles without realizing it. She still loved the same type of music. She was still Cash but all of the things she was uncertain about before she has more clarity about them. Her confidence only made her more attractive.
There was still an elephant in the room that I know she was aware of, us. This new Cash was captivating to me, she made me curious. I just wanted to figure her out.
"Maybe we could hangout again," she said nervously, read my mind.
"I think that would be amazing, what about tomorrow? I, um, I moved. Maybe you could come see the house?" My nerves were getting the best of me but I smiled as a light pink rose to my cheeks. Being nervous around each other was new territory for the both of us.
"Gemma said you moved," she smiled handing her hands together. "But, yeah, that sounds great. I can bring wine." Yep, somethings didn't change, like her love for wine.
"Great." We headed back with She and Golden putting them in their stalls and taking their saddle off. It felt weird to be doing this with her, again.
We walked to our cars and I stopped when we reached her car. I didn't know if a hug was okay but I was quickly interrupted from my inner battle when I felt her arms wrap around me. I missed hugging her, the way our bodies molded together. My arms wrapped tightly around her before we let go.
"I'm glad you came tonight," her words were sincere as a blush plagued her cheeks. It seems that tonight we both spent most of our time blushing and wordlessly voicing our thoughts through our eyes.
"I'm glad I did too, see you tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow."
***
And you'd be my tiny dancer, baby
***
he is so precious
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