Cherry

6. you're too far to reach

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sometimes I'm helpless, 

you're too far to reach

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Harry

Cash and I had texted very lightly over the following days. It was mainly jokes, she always knew how to make me laugh.

What was frustrating is not knowing what she was thinking. I know she sort of invited me back in life. When I said I should call Mags I could see the war in her mind debating on how to answer. When she answered it was a subtle way to tell me that she wants me in her life but as what? A friend? The last thing I ever wanted to just be friends with Cash.

She looked uncertain the whole night, she was constantly trying to read my eyes and I was trying to read hers but I couldn't anymore. I was always able to tell her feelings and emotions through her eyes but I can't anymore. Another realisation of how we have changed.

I would spend my lifetime getting to know this new Cash.

I was confused and wanted to keep well on my comment so I called Mags. She was currently telling me about a new neighbour who moved in and how handsome he was causing me to smile. Mags was more like your friend than anything else always so open and honest about everything.

"Harry, I don't know what happened between you and Cash but I do know she has changed a lot in really great ways. Do you still love her?"

I wasn't surprised by Mags swift conversation change, she never did beat around the bush.

"I'll always love her." I spoke honestly without hesitation.

"But, are you still in love her her? You can still love someone but not be in love with them. I think you and Cash have both changed a lot. I think you still both love each other, I know you still both love each other but I don't think you're in love anymore. You and Cash need to sit and talk and have a conversation about what you both want in your future."

Her words struck me, I knew I loved Cash, that wasn't a question but she was right. . . Was I still in love with her?

"I want her in my future, she is my future."

"Then you need to get to know this Cash, you're loving Cash from one and half years ago. She's grown so much and so have you, I can tell. But you both need to re-fall in love with who you are today."

Mags hung up soon after leaving me with so many thoughts to sift through. I didn't want to think that I wasn't still in love with her. She still had a piece of me. She always would but I knew I needed to talk about this with Cash. Having her so close yet so far was painful.

I needed to externally process this with someone and since Mitch was busy I called my mum.

Cash and I had a very unconventional breakup. She stayed in touch with my sister and mum and I stayed in touch with Mags. These people meant so much to us as individuals I was glad I still had Cash in my life through my mum, sister and Mags.

"Hi, bubba," my mom cheerfully answered making me smile. I love her so much.

"Hi, mum. What are you doing?"

"Just poured myself a cuppa, perfect for listening to my son talk to me about what's going on with Cash," I was surprised at her words and felt my cheeks blush.

"How did you know?"

"Gemma had coffee with Cash yesterday and called me. Said you two had dinner, how was it?"

"It was so weird," I said honestly with a sigh and leaning my head back against my couch. "She was the same yet so different. I just can't read her anymore, I can't tell what she's feeling about me."

"Have you asked her?"

"No," I frowned, it didn't feel that simple.

"Well, bubs, if you want to know how she is feeling then you need to talk to her. You two always had amazing communication before."

"It doesn't feel that simple."

"I know, honey. What else is on your mind?" My mum really did know me so well.

"I had a conversation with Mags a few minutes ago and she said while me and Cash both love each other we may not still be in love with each other."

"So you need to relearn each other, that's the fun part." My mum's laugh made me smile and I shook my head.

"What if she doesn't want that?" I was so scared of Cash not wanting me like I want her.

"Harry, I know how scary this is for you, you were devastated when you two broke up. I think the only way you will know is if you have a conversation with her. From what I know of Cash I really think she misses you, I think she will fall crazy in love for this new Harry you've become."

"Really?" I asked hopeful. I felt like a child again but I needed her reassurance.

"Really, now, tell me when are you seeing her again?"

I explained the double date that Niall practically forced her to do and my mum laughed. That was in two days.

We continued to talk about what was going on back home and how my family was doing. I liked talking to my mum, she helped me not get too overwhelmed.

I still felt uneasy about talking to Cash, the rejection scared me. What if she was only being polite accepting my invitation to dinner? What if she was dating someone? So many thoughts swirled my head that I told myself I would wait to talk to her until I felt sure that she felt the same way. I didn't want to put myself out there and get hurt, I just wanted to be sure.

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I wanna be your electric man . . .

never been good at letting you go

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