Black Roses {Skephalo}

Dear Darryl [Day Twenty-six]

Dear Darlin'
please excuse my writing
I can't stop my hands from shaking
'Cause I'm cold and alone tonight
I miss you
and nothing hurts like no you
And no one understands what we went through
It was short
it was sweet
we tried.

~~~

The segment above reminded me so perfectly of this chapter it was sort of scary. It's the inspiration song for this whole book, so I'll put it on the last chapter.
But for those of you who didn't know, it's from Dear Darlin' by Olly Murs.
Love ya <3   ~ Owl

~~~

-Darryl's POV-

Numb, would be the best way to describe it. Like you're stuck in the Antarctic, wearing clothes like you're in LA. Although, you'd probably feel really cold there.

I feel nothing.

Blankets don't do much against the January cold. Curled up in a ball, the first time I've had a blanket to myself in a week. I'd rather have back Zak than the other half of the blanket.

He's dead Darryl. Just accept it.

But I can't. There's still a hopeless part of me, grasping at the remaining threads of Zak's existence. Like he's still here, still salvageable.

But he's not, and those threads will slip through my fingers. Or snap altogether, too fragile that they must be severed from my hold on them.

It's empty. To lose your other half, after being officially with them for only a week. A week ago, it was Zak's birthday. Nine days later, he's dead.

Dead.

Gone, Darryl. He's gone.

A new program blares in the background, attempting to grab interest I don't have left in me. The world is so dull without my other half, as if turned black and white. There's colour in it, but not real colour. Duller, uninteresting and boring.

It's like being told how colourful the world is, but you're colourblind. That's how I feel right now. The colour is there, but serves no purpose. It's meant to make you feel happy, but I feel nothing at all.

I'm being ungrateful, I know. When there's people like George who'd kill to see what I see. To truly see his boyfriend's face, to be able to see the green hues of his eyes instead of some dull colour he's made to see instead.

At least George still has his boyfriend...

And he'd happily stay colourblind forever as long as he gets to keep Clay I'm sure, I would too. Goodness, I'd do anything for that silly muffin I used to have. Anything to get him back, even trade my own life for his. I wouldn't need to think twice about doing so.

Even if I couldn't have him back forever, I'd do anything just to see him one more time.  To kiss him again, savour his taste before he's ripped from my arms forever.

He still remains here in spirit. The calming smell of him lingers on everything, including his favourite hoodie which I've taken to wearing. Despite it being my apartment, it shows how often he was over here. The scent is sort of similar to coffee, like the coffee shop does. But sweeter, like chocolate. More of a mocha, like his pretty eyes.

Oh goodness his eyes...

I pull the blanket up over my head, covering my ears with it. Even that reminds me of him, how he'd try so desperately to block out the storm.