The Demon's Angel

Chapter 19

Warning: Mentions of self harm

Elizabeth
I couldn't go see him, no matter how much I wanted to. I knew that he would forgive me. He had most likely already done so, but I would never forgive myself. I had almost killed him. I wouldn't risk hurting him again.

It was easy to pretend that everything was ok. I threw myself into practicing the silks. Everyone had been told that Kurt was sick so as to not cause a huge upset. Life had gone somewhat back to normal. We stayed at the festival and came up with an alternative act until it was over about a month later. Then, we moved to a new location in Florence to stay for a little while. That normality lasted a week.

I woke up at about dawn, as usual. I walked outside, breathing in the fresh air. As I took my morning walk, I caught sight of Kurt at the edge of camp. As usual, he was already up and outside. What was unusual, however, was that he was strangely quiet. Even if he was alone, which he rarely was, even before the accident, he was never quiet. He would read aloud, sing quietly, or even just 'think out loud', as he called it. That day, however, he just sat against a tree with his head bent down, his hair in his eyes. My feathers began to stand on end. Something was wrong. I walked up to him and touched his shoulder. He jumped, but quickly relaxed. "I'm glad to see that you are still talking to me," he murmured. I tilted my head. "What?" He shook his head. "I thought you were mad at me for what happened. I wouldn't blame you." I laughed incredulously. "No! Of course not! I'm mad at myself. I left you all alone. You could've died, and all because I wanted to climb a tree." He stood abruptly and yanked me roughly into a hug with his unbroken arm. "Don't EVER blame yourself for something like this. It is not your fault. You couldn't have known that would happen," he growled. "I should've known! I should've known that they wouldn't just let us enjoy ourselves! A place where people don't care if mutants walk freely in public is too good to be true!" He pulled away from me. "None of this is your fault, Lizzie," he whispered. I gasped. "Kurt! Your face!" I touched one of the symbols marking his skin. "Oh my god. Did they do this to you?" I sobbed before pulling him back into my embrace. "Kurt, I'm so sorry! I'm sorry!"

Suddenly, I was holding him up against me. "They're right. I'm a monster. I'm a freak, even compared to other mutants!" He began to sob uncontrollably. "I hate myself! I would be better off dead!" I clutched him tightly. "That's not true! You can't be monster. You've helped so many people. You saved me. You are not a monster," I insisted. "Yes I am! I did something terrible, Lizzie!" I froze. "Kurt, what did you do?" He sobbed. "When I saw the symbols, I hated myself more than ever. I wanted to punish myself. I tried to... to..." He broke down. I felt my panic rise. "Kurt, what did you do?!" He pulled away from me. Crouching down, he pulled up his pant leg. Cuts that hadn't been there before marked his skin. I covered my mouth with my hands. He stood and swayed slightly. His eyes grew unfocused. Tears still poured down his face. I grabbed his hand. "Kurt what's..." That's when I noticed the stain on his cuff. "No...." I yanked up his sleeve. There was a nasty gash on his wrist, blood crusted over it. I forced him to sit. "Kurt! What is this!?" The cut was shallow, but it was obviously meant to be much deeper. "I... I wanted to... but I couldn't..." Tears filled my eyes. "Never, ever do this again!" I yelled. He flinched. I gently rubbed the once-smooth back of his hand, now covered in scabs and eventually, scars. "Please, don't," I whispered. "I can't lose my best friend, especially like that..." He nodded and melted against me. I clutched him tight to myself, wishing that I could just keep him safe within my arms.

After a few moments, when his crying subsided only to the occasional hiccup, I said, "I need to show you something." He looked up, curious. I showed him my wrist. A long scar ran across the width of my arm, before jerking upwards within the last inch. "Not all of my scars were given to me by my captors," I whispered. His eyes widened. "This was just to be sure it was possible, that I could do it before they stopped me. I was going to finish what I had started, but then, a blue German boy got dumped into my prison with me. He was scared and alone, and suddenly, I had a reason to stay a bit longer. You saved me not just from those terrible people, but also from myself." Kurt stared intently at the scar, before grabbing my hand. "I'm glad that I met you, Elizabeth," he murmured. Our faces were so close, that if I leaned forward just a tiny bit....

"Kurt! Elizabeth!" Margali's voice echoed throughout the camp. We separated, somewhat reluctantly on my side. "Coming!" we yelled in unison. Before he could run towards his mother, I grabbed his other hand. "So, Mr. Wagner, would you do me the honor of staying with me in this broken world?" He smiled shyly. "I think I would like that."