overwhelming [m.h]

[ 15 ]

The sudden wave of braveness that had hit earlier, was dissipating as I walked closer to the school building, and soon enough, as I stood in front of the music room, a whole new wave of panic had taken over me. I sighed with relief as I realized the halls were empty and pretty much everyone was in class, which meant the music room was most probably empty. So, I slowly opened up the door, and much to my surprise, Matty was sitting there, in the ground, with a guitar on his lap, as if he knew I would walk here.

I gulped and walked in, closing the door behind me. He looked up at me, with a cold stare, and quickly looked back down to whatever he was playing. Perhaps another one of the tunes by the band, which I had never heard before. I felt a pit in my stomach as I walked closer to him, the leather of the small notebook gripping my fingerprints.

"Uh, your notebook." I said, avoiding his look and handing it out to him. Another lie, as if I hadn't heard what George had said earlier, and was just looking for an excuse to be there, at that moment.

"Keep it." He said, standing up and walking to leave the guitar with the other guitars. "Since you're dying to learn more about me, there is all that you need to know about me." He grabbed his book bag and stood before me, maintaining the cold stare which sent shivers down my spine. I could feel the anxiety building up once again, and my hands beginning to shake, as he just stared at me for a minute.

I wanted to speak up, I wanted to tell him I was sorry, yet the words kept choking in my throat, and in the end, he just chuckled and left the room. Left me, standing there like a clown. I sighed deeply once I heard the door close and I sat on the ground. This time, I opened the notebook knowing full well that he was aware that I was reading, and no wave of guilt stopped me from basking and drowning in Matty's thoughts and complex words like before. I was able to realize how intelligent he was, despite his often goofy attitude and hate towards school.

I seemed to surround myself, out of nowhere, of his thoughts and inner monologues, and I realized that this probably wasn't even all that was going on inside his mind. I pondered whether or not I wanted to invest myself deeper into that, and a big chunk of me just said "fuck it". Before I realized, it was break hour, and I had spent most of my morning just reading Matty's notebook. I heard the door open and saw the guys walk inside, as this had become their usual hanging spot. I greeted Adam, Ross and George with a smile, yet I noticed Matty's absence, and a small hurricane formed inside my belly. I gave George a quick look and he just shrugged.

I walked out, and looked through the several hallways of the school and lunch areas and trees for him. Yet he was nowhere to be seen. So, I just gave up, and decided to walk to my cozy spot underneath my usual tree, where I took out a pen, and Matty's notebook, and I did some scribbling myself on the back of the book, using the best of my memory to draw Matty's hand against the strings of the guitar.

Soon enough, I heard from a distance the last school bell, indicating the end of the day, and as I approached the exit gate, I saw George and Matty walk away. Some part of me felt relief that I didn't have to face him, yet another part of me felt sad that things weren't suddenly perfect again and everything was alright.

Friday rolled around, and I remembered George's invitation to practice earlier this week, before shit blew up, and after asking Sam whether or not the plan was still up, everything seemed to be going according to plan for the rest of the gang, which meant that I had finally a space to talk to Matty about what had happened, with the two of us a little bit less hot headed.

During the last couple of days, George and I had been walking to school, and he mentioned that Matty had been grumpy all week, which wasn't either good or bad, it just was. Yet I still felt bad, because I knew the reason behind his grumpiness was me. On this fine Friday, George wasn't waiting for me outside, which meant he had decided to walk with Matty today, which was probably for the best. And the day went by without any incidents. I talked more with Annalise, who had suddenly raised some interest over my 6'5 friend.

Once the school day was finally done, Sam came over to my house to help me asses a plan to trap Matty and talk to him. Well, more like just walk up to him and try to speak. Sam laid in my bed, as some low rock music played from my phone speakers and I looked at my closet.

"It's gonna look weird as shit if you get there and you're like, in a really nice outfit." Sam said, as they played with a Rubik's cube that was in one of the bookshelves of my bedroom. I threw them a dagger look and went back to my closet.

"I gotta look fit though." I said as I took out from the closet my trusty, black, mom jeans and a top with a butterfly embroidered on the chest. Sam looked up and rolled their eyes at my proposition,

"You've worn that outfit like nine times." I scrunched my nose and sighed, ready to give up on making some sort of gorgeous entrance to bring Matty's attention to me. That sounded weird as shit. Anyways, Sam stood up, and took out a tight, red top and threw it in my direction.

"Just wear that with some Docs and you'll be good." I went into the bathroom to change, and once I came out, Sam's face lit up, perhaps with hope.

"Alright girly, you're definitely looking nice, now let's go before it gets late." Sam grabbed their coat, and I took my black leather jacket, and we stepped out of the house, with no further delay.