Once And Always

Chapter 23

A storm comes...

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Tee opened his eyes and stared blankly out the windows at a dark, overcast sky. Sleep hung over him like a thick web, tangling his waking thoughts as he gazed aimlessly past the unfamiliar blue and silver silk draperies hanging from the corners of his bed.

He felt sluggish and dull, as if he hadn't slept at all, yet he had no particular urge to go back to sleep or to fully awaken. His mind floated aimlessly, and then it suddenly began to clear.

Dear God, he was married! Truly married. He was Tae's husband.

He stifled an angry growl of stricken protest at the thought and jerked upright as the full recollection of last night hit him. So this was what Khun Janean had tried to warn him about. No wonder spouses didn't discuss it! He started to hurtle from the bed in response to some belated instinct to flee; but stopped himself, he could definitely feel the stinging pain in his bottom but forced himself to ignore it, he straightened the pillows, and fell back against them, gnawing on his lower lip. The humiliating details of his wedding night came back in painful clarity and he cringed, remembering the way Tae had crudely disrobed in front of him. He shuddered as he recalled the way he had taunted him about P'Godt, and then he had used him. He had used him as if he were an animal, a dumb animal without feeling or emotion, unworthy of tenderness or kindness.

A tear trickled down his cheek as he thought of tonight, and tomorrow night, all the nights that lay ahead of him until Tae could finally get him with child. How many times would it take? A dozen? Two dozen? More? No, please, not more. He couldn't bear much more of it.

Angrily he dashed the tear away, furious with himself for succumbing to fear and weakness. Last night Tae had said he intended to continue doing that ugly, humiliating thing to him—it was his part of their bargain. Now that he knew what the bargain really entailed, he wanted out of it immediately!

He flung the bed covers aside and climbed out of the silken cocoon that was supposed to be his compensation for a lifetime of misery imposed on him by a cynical, heartless man. Well, he was no simpering man, afraid to stand up for himself or face the world. He would rather face a firing squad than another night like the last one! He could live without luxury, if this was the way he was expected to pay for it.

He glanced around the room, trying to plan his next step, and his gaze fell on a black velvet box on the table beside the bed. He picked it up and opened the clasp, then ground his teeth in rage at the sight of the spectacular necklace that lay within it. It was a delicate handcrafted half inch wide diamond chain with a two inches onyx as its pendant, again surrounded by diamonds.

Rage billowed in him in a red mist as he picked up the necklace by its clasp, holding it up with two fingers as if it were a poisonous snake, then dropped it into the box in an unceremonious pile.

Now he understood what had bothered him all along about the gifts the khun luang gave him and the way he wanted to be thanked with a kiss. Tae was buying him. The khun luang actually believed he could be bought—purchased like a cheap dock-side whore. No—not a cheap one, an expensive one, but a whore, nonetheless.

After last night, Tee already felt used and injured; the necklace added another insult to his growing list of Tae's offenses. He could hardly believe he'd deceived himself into thinking Tae cared for him, that Tae needed him. He cared for no one, needed no one. He didn't want to be loved and he had no love to give anyone. Tee should have known—Tae'd said as much.