i love you • formula one

16

please comment throughout!

first person

~***~

monday, 10/08/2020

It had almost been a week since Nicky had asked me to be his girlfriend, and almost a week since I said 'yes'. I really liked him and wanted to make things work, hoping and praying that our relationship will last. Things would be so much less complicated if I never had feelings for Lando in the first place, and the mistake we made complicated things further. Every time I looked at Nicholas, I felt guilty. No matter how much he reassured me he didn't care, I had the sense that he did. I also had an inkling that he wasn't aware I had slept with Lando so recently, but I didn't want to throw away our relationship over it.

It had also almost been a week of keeping information from Lando. I knew that I probably should've told him about my new relationship, but he could've easily assumed that Nicky and I were good considering we talk on the phone every night. We could barley sit in the same room together without an awkward tension filling the empty space. I hated it, wanting nothing more than to just erase the incident form both of our memories and go back to normal.

Lando decided to spend the extra night in Silverstone rather than coming on on the Sunday evening. He finished the race in eighth, a bit of a disappointment after last week's podium, however the weather didn't play a factor this time. Nicky missed out on points this time around, however didn't finish last, which is an achievement when in a Williams.

On Monday morning, I took to the gym to wake myself up. Lando didn't let me know what time he was going to be getting home so I was always on edge. I was definitely aiming to avoid him for the most part because I don't think I'd be able cope with any more awkward encounters.

Ballet was a great escape for me. When I closed my eyes, I was performing centre stage for the English National Ballet Company. My injury no longer existed and I was at the top of my game. No drama, no worries, no stress.

Music played softly through the speakers as I kept my eyes fixed on my reflection in an attempt to remain on the spot. I wore my pointe shoes today so that I could accurately dance some of my favourite routines. About halfway through my solo rendition of 'Dance of the Small Swans', my music stopped with the familiar dials of the FaceTime ringtone. I let out a small sigh of exhaustion before picking it up from the desk, seeing Nicky's icon appear. A smile formed on my face before I could even stop it.

"Hey," I greeted after answering the call, slightly breathless. His face appeared on the screen, beaming as per usual.

"Hey, beautiful." At his words, I bit down on my bottom lip and felt my already warm cheeks get even hotter. "Is this a good time?"

"Yeah, as long as you don't mind watching me dance for a bit. I've got ten minutes left until I've been doing it for an hour."

Nicky ran his tongue over his lower lip as I propped my phone up. "It'd be an honour to watch you." I'm order to play music whilst I danced, I turned on the TV and instantly went to my YouTube playlist which included all of my favourite songs to dance to.

"Now," I pointed a finger to my phone, "I'm a classical dancer so I will not be taking requests."

Even though his face was far away, I could make out the pout on his lips. "Aw, so you won't be dancing to any of those Tiktok songs?"