i love you • formula one

34

sorry for yet another long wait! this isn't the final chapter as expected, just a painful one.

please don't forget to vote and comment throughout! i appreciate each and every single one of you for sticking around to this point.

also, once you've finished reading this chapter, please head over to FOREVERLANDO and make sure you're caught up on her books. she is just as desperate for engagement (maybe even more so) and no-one deserves it more than her... apart from maybe me but i'm trying to stay humble.

don't hate me! x

~***~

My entire body was trembling as I made the drive back to London. In all honesty, I didn't feel safe doing so, however there was no way that I was going to be able to bring myself to stop at a service station. I just wanted to get back to Nicky. Despite this, I was also dreading the inevitable conversation we were going to have about all of this. He knows my lying tells (not that I'm a very convincing liar anyway) and will probably pick up on my sudden change in mood the moment I walk in to his apartment. I had no idea of how I was supposed to tell Nicky about Lando's revelation in a way that wouldn't be upsetting. The last thing I would want to do is hurt Nicky, someone who has shown me nothing but love and affection for the entirety of the time I had known him. He deserves so much better than me; I'm literally the worst girlfriend of all time.

It was getting increasingly harder to swallow the bitter taste in my mouth the closer I got to his apartment, and I came very close to hurling everything that remained in my system out onto the dusty pavement. I could hear my heart pulsing in my ears. If only I could just shut off my thoughts for one evening until I'm ready to deal with the consequences of Lando's confession.

With the amount my hands were shaking, it took a few attempts to get the key into the small lock of Nicky's front door. I was secretly hoping that he wasn't waiting for me so that I'd have a few extra moments to gather myself. There's no possible way that I'll be able to hide my emotions for very long, if at all. In the relatively short time I've known Nicky (or at least compared to the eternity I've known Lando), we have gotten to know each other so well.

The first thing I noticed when I leant my weight against the heavy to door to push it open was how dimly lit the room was. With my eyebrows furrowed together, I stepped into the main room and shut the door behind me. I opened my mouth to hesitantly call out Nicky's name, when a flicker of light on the floor caught my attention. A small LED candle with an artificially flickering flame was resting on the plush carpet next to a neatly folded card. Only when I got closer did I notice an identical light a few feet further into the apartment, followed by another, and another. From what I could guess, they lead in the direction of the bedroom and were connected by a sparse trail of light pink cherry blossoms.

'Lyra', the note began, 'I was going to write a cryptic poem about following the candles, but it turns out I am shit at rhyming so this is going to have to do. I want to make our last night together before I have to fly out special, so have this very poor attempt. Can't wait to see your beautiful smile. Love, Nicky.'

I folded the note back up, feeling my chest and cheeks grow warmer. I slipped off my shoes before heading any further into the house. My steps as I followed the candles were hesitant. As I neared the ajar bedroom door, I heard the soft beats of a familiar tune from the joint playlist we created together. I couldn't help the smile on my face, despite the dread I was feeling, when I walked into the bedroom. Nicky was casually leaning on his bed, however the duvet was obscured by a picnic blanket and an array of cherry blossoms identical to the ones that guided me here. In the centre, a wooden basket was overflowing with baked goods, fruit, flowers, and sweet treats. Several real candles were arranged around the room to create a romantic ambiance. Nicky looked handsome, as always. His bright smile when his eyes fell onto me felt like a knife had been plunged in my heart. I don't want to hurt him... I can't.