i love you • formula one

33

two chapters in a day!

please engage throughout! your comments will help motivate me to write the next chapter which could be the last (ahh!).

also, i apologise if this chapter has some inconsistencies. the first draft been written forever ago i swear.

first person

~***~

wednesday, 23/09/2020

It was hard saying goodbye to Lando when we had only recently been reunited. The relief I felt that we were almost back to our old ways was as much as when Michael Parker was arrested. He hugged me tight before I climbed into Nicky's car and pressed a gentle kiss to the side of my head. His grip was significantly tighter than previous times he has held me, but I didn't mind because I was reluctant to let go, too. I was glad that Nicky didn't make any attempt to interrupt our goodbyes, although I was a little gutted that he couldn't give me a definitive reason as to why Lando couldn't stay with us at his London apartment. I could only hazard a guess that there were still some tensions between the two. Whilst I may have moved on from mine and Lando's argument, I had a sense that Nicky still pointed some blame to the McLaren driver for not believing me or answering my calls when I needed him.

I felt guilty that I wouldn't be keeping Lando company, however he reassured me that he was going to have Jon over whenever he could. The improved security system that was to be fitted at some point before the next Grand Prix weekend should be enough to make me feel safer at the house. Permanent CCTV and an alarm that immediately alerted the police should anyone try to enter the property without the access code at the gate meant that Michael, upon his release, wouldn't be able to reach me if I were home alone... not that I'm going to willingly be home alone for a while.

Spending time with Nicky in person again was like a dream. We rarely seemed to argue or trip over each other in the limited space of the apartment. A system was put into place between us so we alternated who cooked breakfast and dinner on different days, although he usually broke the 'rules' and would assist me should I need him to. He really was the perfect boyfriend, showering me with love and affection, and I could feel my heart growing fonder of him as the days progressed. I just wanted to love him the same way he loved me. I had deduced that this was the reason behind our most recent squabble, and that he was getting increasingly disappointed in the fact that I had yet to say those three words back to him. There was no way he hadn't noticed it, however I knew that he wouldn't call me out on it because he's just too sweet.

Lando and I stayed in contact when I was at Nicky's, however his schedule was hectic considering he had just finished a pretty successful triple header. Our phone calls in the evening barely lasted fifteen minutes before he needed to go. I didn't think he was annoyed at me for deferring my placement by a year anymore, or he was, at the very least, very good at hiding it. He knew that I deserve to take the chance to follow my dreams just like he did. Deferring the McLaren placement was also convenient with all of the upcoming trials. The restraining order had been bumped up in priority and was currently underway with evidence being closely analysed.

On the Wednesday before Nicky was due to fly out to Russia, our final night together until he returned, he planned for us to have a dinner together. He wouldn't tell me any details other than the fact that he was going to take care of it all and it would be ready for eight. I was curious, but didn't press him on it. My heart skipped a beat at the idea and I couldn't wait to see how it all panned out. I was hopeful that this would be the final piece of the puzzle for me to recognise my feelings for him. There was no point in my heart dwelling on Lando - we were never going to happen and I was at peace with that.