The Light that Shines Within

Regrets

Loki POV-

The day had begun like any other. Until I remembered what had happened between my friend and myself last night. I pulled the pillows over my head and wished to suffocate right then and there. Had I really heard her say what I had thought I'd heard her say as she left my chambers last night?...I shook my head to myself. Must be wishful thinking, Loki. I thought to myself. How was I going to fave her today? I rose from my bed and magically made it up as I had done before in Cassandra's library and realized painfully how this was yet another thing my time on Midgard had taught me. Then I willed my self to get dressed and put on proper attire for my day, greens and golds as usual for myself. My thoughts, my heart bothered me painfully as I went about these mundane things. Cassandra had gotten me out of the dungeons, caused my father to believe I had found love, my mother hope I had begun to open my heart to more than just her. Then, as if what she had done for me that morning hadn't been enough, she had stayed with me all that day, into the night answering all of my questions, no matter how trivial they may have been. Some of which had been very hard for her to tell, things she had revealed to me....no one else knew...

And I had yelled at her.

Over things that had confused even myself.

The matters of the heart. 

Oh, why had I gotten angry at her when she scoffed at the very idea of someone could love her? Why hadn't I simply revealed to her what I had begun to think, to feel? It may have been in the beginnings of it, but I knew well enough what this was. I fancied her. That beautiful raven who hated the creature and person she had once been. A person who believed she was unworthy of love. 

Well, Cassandra was so very wrong about that. 

If she had the ability to read minds as I did she would find that she caught and held every man's mind and heart within minutes! And those who spent longer with her? They were utterly smitten. The Man of Iron loves her as a precious niece, like a daughter to him. The Hawkeye and Spider loved her as close as a sibling. The Hulk and Banner believed she was the sweetest thing ever walked. My own brother was not ammune to her charms. And the Soldier? He thought of nothing in his spare time other than ways to make her smile. As though she could be less wrong about the effects she had on others! 

Her story.....

Cassandra had mentioned she hadn't told anyone alive that story. The tale of her new life after death, the way she had become a vampire. Not even her family of world savers was aware of the extent as to how she she came to be this way. She bestowed me with this knowledge...and I had been mean to her. All because I thought she was onto my own affections for her. When I took her hands in my own, could she feel.them shaking in nervousness? When I so much as spoke to her, did Cassandra register the the soft kindness I always wanted to show her? Was she aware the feelings of friendship we had shared for almost a year were changing, becoming something else? Something I was afraid and excited of, these things were dangerous and had to be handled carefully. 

Very carefully indeed. 

After having nothing else to do in my bedroom I decided to have a servant bring breakfast to my rooms and notified her guard to tell my neighbor down the hallway where I would be today if she still wished to ask me questions as we decided. Just in case she still prefreerd my company after the mistake that was the previous night. I groaned at that mistake I had made last night. Why had I been so offended? One moment we had been laughing, jesting. Then the subject of hearts comes about and she says those....things about herself. Because she believed she was the monster who nobody could ever love. Then I realized why. 

Because that is where my own mind had been at the moment. 

I believed I was the hideious monster who nobody could ever see more than a friend. Then Cassandra being the heavenly creature who was flawed, yes, but that was over two hundred years ago for her! She was changed, saving people with her newest family. Why couldn't Cassandra see what everyone else, what I saw in her whenever I had the priveldge to do so? For that was where my true anger laid. She couldn't see what I saw and I wanted to hopefully be the one to change that. But first I needed to survive a straight week here without losing my temper publicly or showing any signs of "Evil" as they called it here. My breakfast came and I sat at my table to see various foods before me. Fruits breads, nuts, pastries. As I bit into an apple I couldn't help but miss the Mid guardian breakfast foods I was now accustomed to. Such as donuts, coffee, even those contraptions known as Pop Tarts. Now the foods of my home realm peaked in comparioson to the cookies known as oreos...I sighed to myself and ate slowly. Hopefully this was all temporary and soon I'd be back in Cassandra's library in exile by the end of this week. I ate so sadly and deep in thought I hadn't heard my brother come into my chambers. 

"Hello brother." He said calmly. 

"Hello Thor, what brings you to my rooms this morning?" I asked painfully polite. I took another bite of my apple as he looked at me with only concern. "I just passed the Lady Cassanandra on my way here." He began, gauging my reaction to see if I knew something he did not. I rose an eyebrow." Oh?" Thor nodded. "She seemed quieter than usual, sad it would seem like about something. So, I nicely asked questioned her if there was anything I could do to help her..." I shrugged taking another bite of my fruit. Careful not to give away any of my inner anxiety, faking I was only merely interested in what he had to say. "And? What did she tell you?" I asked looking up at him. 

"She said I could strike her down with lightning." He responded. 

My heart gave an uncomfortable lurch.

"Because apparently she made a mistake that couldnt be repaired." 

I tried not to feel shock or pangs of hurt go through me. Thor continued on with his tale. "Then she simply went passed me and into the gardens for a walk with her guard." I nodded and pretended to go through the other fruits on the table in hopes he would go away from me now and leave me in peace to sulk. "And I came to see if there was anything you may have done to cause her sadness." I shok my head at him, what I liar I was. "She said some things to our parents she hadn't spoken before, things she would have rather kept hidden. Perhaps that is the reason brother." I made my point with a raised eyebrow. A lok that told him to please drop it before it spread. "I understand that you are...that is to say..." His voice faltered just a bit. "Our father said you both declared your feelings..." He said flatly and I set my apple down. My voice cold, but thankfully, not angry. 

"We declaired that we are friends, brother." 

He looked surprised and I nodded, going on. "Nothing more, nothing less. She cares for me as only a close friend and confident, the same goes for me as well." I guarded my eyes from the pain I felt in telling this particular lie. But nobody, especillay him, would not get the satisfaction of hearing me say what I felt inside. "There is no romantic feelings between the two of us Thor." Thor didn't look very convinced by the expression on his face. He dared raise an eyebrow at me? Me?! "And your saying that there could never be a change in your hearts?" He pried crossing his arms and eyes looking back to me in all seriousness. "You could never learn to love her as more than a friend Loki?" It took me a moment to calm myself enough to speak correctly to him. To not throw away Cassandra's previously made attempts to keep me from the dungeons. So I simply closed my eyes, took a breath and looked at my brother. "No brother, there is not a snowballs chance in Hades the two of us will ever court. Because I'm a monster, a criminal. I killed because I found it fun under the Tesseract's control." I glared good and hard at him. "How anyone, besides our mother could love me is a ridiculous notion indeed. Very ridiculous." I chuckled darkly at him.

"Then look at her!"  I exclaimed.

"She's a vampire! And-"

I was cut off in my rant by a distant sound in the hallway. A sound which caused by blood to run colder and my heart to momentarily stop.in my chest. Thor had heard it too, now turned to look at the doorway he had left open in surprise and hurt. The sound of heels running away from my very doorway...and there was only one woman who would have been making her way here, to my rooms.

Cassandra.

She had just heard everything I just said.

I groaned in agony, the facade I'd had in front if my brother fell away, I ungracefully laid my head in my hands as I placed my head on the table in pure heartache.

What had I done?...