Gallant (REWRITING)

018

"Gallant"

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I stared blankly at the hallucination of Avery. I hadn't noticed, but my eyes began to water.

Avery looked back, quietly smiling at me with innocence like nothing happened to her. I smiled back, a bitter smile before letting out a quiet laugh. I shook my head before looking down to my lap and breathed in and out heavily.

"I'll be right back," I told the two males. And I wholeheartedly wished I'd just run and hide somewhere far away from this place, from everything.

Jacob replied, but I had not heard him. I stood up, almost shakily noticable, and walked over to the lady's restroom ever so slowly. I passed happy, screaming children and parents, oblivious to all of this. I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists.

I wasn't going to let this continue. I swore it. Whatever was controlling my actions would not control me any further, not even if it was me who had decided to act upon his wants for me to help him.

Funny thing, calling the police still didn't seem like an option to me as much as I wanted to. Maybe swearing it wasn't enough, and clearly I wasn't determined enough.

I gritted my teeth only harder at the thought before splashing my face with water. I needed to clear my head, not let any of my negative thoughts get to me.

That would not help me solve this.

I knew how to handle stuff like this, usually, but this situation was way different. It felt personal almost and maybe that's why I couldn't handle it, but that would change. It would.

The thought of journaling all of this crossed my mind. I believed I thought about it before, but I couldn't remember. If I had, I clearly decided against it.

But this would be personal. Personal for now.

I splashed my face with water again and got ready to walk out. "Excuse me?" An older woman said. At first I didn't think she was talking to me, but no one else was in the restroom besides me and her.

"Yes?" I responded quietly, and hesitantly. Still wasn't keen on talking to strangers, haha. Wondered how I could be working as a journalist, seriously.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but you don't look okay, and..." Her eyes lowered to my hands. Confused, I furrowed my eyebrows. "You're bleeding, ma'am." I followed her gaze and realized she was right.

Withou realizing it, I had clenched my fists so hard that my nails dug into my skin enough for them to bleed. "A-ah.." I almost began to laugh.

The blood hadn't really washed off.

I sure wasn't acting like myself. I couldn't even tell what was reality anymore. Avery's alive! Avery's dead! Just a fucking hallucination. I killed her. The thought ran through my head a million times before I couldn't hold my laughter in, and the tears that threatened to fall.

I deserved everything that would come to me. I deserved the karma.

"Ma'am, are you alright? Do you need help? Do I-" I held up my hand, shaking my head, before they fell limp to my sides.

I quieted down. "I'm sorry, but I'm fine. Don't worry." I forced a smile. I knew it wasn't believable, but I seemed to scare her off. She gave a nod before silently heading out the restroom. She probably thought I was crazy, and maybe she was right. Maybe I was beginning to be.

"How many times do I have to ask myself what is wrong with me?" I mumbled to myself, another laugh left me, a bitter one. I placed my hands under the sink and thoroughly washed the blood off my hands.

I imagined myself in his shoes. I imagined myself kidnapping her, killing her. She'd be screaming for me to let her go, to let her go back to mommy and I'd kill her. Me.

"The bloods on your hands," I heard Avery say. "You... you killed me and I think you should pay for it."

Her voice was only a whisper in my mind, but it felt like she was there, like she was really behind me. Behind me and glaring in to my soul, and blaming me.

I turned the faucet off, slowly lifted my hands to my face and hid myself in the darkness. My eyes were closed right. I let out a deep breath before opening them again, moving my hands away, and turning to my hallucination.

"I know." Is all I could muster up to stay to her and nothing else.

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Okay, but I went deep in this chapter. Wow. I guess it's because I've been watching (show on Netflix) Hannibal, and I'm really into it. Haha. I wanted to get the readers feelings out, I wanted to go deep into how they're feeling and I think I did just that. I hope you enjoyed! ♡