Dear Diary

Moving on

Sometimes things don't go exactly as planned. After a few weeks of not talking and all the friends being away from each other for a while, things had changed.. Did they change for the good? Sometimes. But mainly a lot changed for the worse.

To sum the things up:
Richard his relationship didn't really go as planned.
Till his new music got a lot of negative criticism from people who didn't understand his art.
Heiko his health didn't go so good..

But what can you do about it? That's how life goes.
This night the guys had a video call. They are all pretty far away from each other so this way they could still all be there.

They all vented about how awful everything went. At some point they all even started to laugh about it because they all now noticed how dramatic they all were acting.
"So how are we going to fix this?" Asked Till.
"Moving on" said Richard
"looking for help" said Heiko.

Till laughed " Oh you all are really wanting to fix it, I expected to hear a "FUCK IT ALL".
they laughed about it and changed the subject to some positive thoughts. After the call Heiko felt a bit better but he also felt he needed to get some help. He figured he couldn't do it all on his own anymore even thought he gets so much help from his friends. He contacted some medical help.

Dear Diary..

Today I made one of the hardest decisions I had to make in a while..
I decided it's time I will get help. I can't just pretend that everything is fine.
Have made an appointment to go in therapy for 2 weeks. I really hope this is a good decision and that it will help me. I want to feel good again. This would be te prefect time for me to work on this since Richi is taking a break from everything.. trying to get over Silvia. Till is just going to hide in his cabin in the woods like usual.. And Chris is busy being a father.
Then I have all the time to work on myself now..

Let's hope this is the right choice ...

Heiko woke up early today. He was still very tired, because he hadn't slept properly the night before. He had been laying in bed thinking about what was waiting for him today. He sat up on the side of his bed. He took a deep breath and walked over to the window to open up the curtains. He had already noticed it was bad weather outside, because there was no bright light shining trough the curtains.

When he opened the curtains he saw dark thunderclouds and lots of rain.. Great! He thought to himself. The rain and thunder always made him feel more depressed. He couldn't wait until it would be spring again. when the trees would get their leaves back and when the flowers would start to show up again.

He walked to the bathroom and got ready for the day. He was feeling very nervous today. he didn't really know why, it's not like he never had therapy before but for some reason this felt different. When he felt nervous or stressed, he never felt like eating. He skipped breakfast, but did grab a cup of coffee.

When he was sitting down to drink his coffee, he heard his front door opening. He looked over and saw it was Chris.

"Are you ready for your day?" He asked with a smile.

Heiko looked at him, not smiling but looking a bit worried. Chris noticed this and put an arm on his shoulder.
"You will do great!" He said as he took a seat next to Heiko.
"You know what I am afraid of?" Heiko said with a soft voice.
"What is it?"
"I am afraid to open up to strangers.. why would I trust them? What if they would tell anyone about my problems?"

Heiko saw the smile disappear from chris his face. He was now looking at Heiko with a serious face.
"you once had to trust strangers to become your friends right?"
Heiko looked at him.. "that's true.."
"why would they try to hurt you. they are all hurting themselves."

heiko agreed on that. maying Chris was right and he shouldn't be so worried. He knew from himself that he always had trouble trusting people, and that was also something he really wanted to change.

"Let's go.. otherwise we will be late" said Chris while softly pushing Heiko out of his chair. Heiko stood up, grabbed his bag and he walked after Chris.

They sat down in the car. They had to drive a few hours to where they would meet Heiko his new therapist. They left a bit early because of the storm today. Heiko asked Chris to drive him, because he couldn't really concentrate the past days and he didn't trust himself to drive in a storm like this.

Chris didn't see any problems in driving him. He was always a great friend to Heiko. Heiko sometimes couldn't help but still feel guilty of how he treated Chris in the past. Luckily they both changed a lot since then. Heiko looked out his window, It was a depressing sight. The rain was pouring down and everything looked so dark. He listened to the song on the radio and sunk into his own thoughts. The song that was playing reminded him of when he was younger. He would listen to this song together with his mother and sometimes they would even dance to it together. They were happy memories, but for some reason they made him feel sad today.

He asked Chris to change the channel. Chris did this. He already noticed that Heiko didn't feel so well.
"You will be good, I promise" he said.
Heiko didn't really respond to this. But he knew that Chris noticed it kind of cheered him up. To brighten the depressing mood, Chris started singing along to the song on the radio. He knew that Heiko always hated this.
"You sound like scheiße" said Heiko while laughing softly.
"Well, then you should sing it better" said Chris.

Heiko shook his head, which made Chris continue to sing to the song. Heiko smiled and closed his eyes, while softly whispering the lyrics of the song. He knew Chris was smiling to him now, but he didn't want to see it so he kept his eyes closed.

Chris always knew how to brighten the mood, that was also a reason why he asked Chris to come with him. Once they arrived at their destination, Chris looked over to Heiko.
"You want to say something before you die?"
Heiko looked at him with a confused and straight face. They looked at each other for a while, until chris started laughing.
"See you in hell.." said Heiko while he opened the car door. He heard Chris laugh. Heiko grabbed his bag out of the back of the car and walked towards the building. he looked over his shoulder to see Chris standing outside the car, leaning against the door.

He waved at Heiko with a crazy big smile. He looked like a dad, dropping his kids off at school on their first school days. Heiko tried his best not to laugh at this. He waved back at Chris and walked further.

As he entered the building, he looked around. It was a modern building, it looked industrial with lots of plants. It made him feel welcomed. It was WAY better as these standart therapy buildings, where it felt like you just walked into a hospital. As he was looking around, he heard a voice say: "hi, can I help you". Heiko looked over and saw a friendly young lady sitting at a desk.

He greeted her and told her he had an appointment. She smiled friendly at him, what made him feel safe. She stood up and shook his hand.
"i will give you a quick tour" she said.
She showed him te building.
"Here is where we do the group therapy sessions" she said as they walked into a large room with big windows.

Trough the windows you had an amazing view on to a lake, with lot's of grass and trees. It looked wonderful even with bad weather like this. The lady asked him:
"Are you ready for me to bring you to see your therapist?"
Heiko smiled "sure".

The lady started walking and Heiko walked after her. "Here you can wait" she said to him. Heiko smiled at her and sat down.
"Can I get you something to drink?"
"Some water would be nice" he said.
She smiled and walked away.

Heiko took out his phone and saw he got a message from Till and Richi. He opened them: "goodluck" they both read. Heiko was surprised. He didn't expect them to remember because they both had a lot going on. He responded to both with a smiley. He directly got a response from richard saying: "Very talkative I see.." heiko laughed about it. Richi hated the emojis. He send back: "thank you richi."

the lady had come back now and given Heiko a glass of water. Heiko turned off his phone. This was the first time in 4 months he did this. It felt weird to him. But also good at the same time. He put his phone away and took a deep breath. He heard a voice say: "you must be Heiko" he looked up and saw a young man standing there. Heiko shook his hand..