Through the Years

Chapter 22

Louis woke up and noticed he was still safe in Harry's arms, he smiled and pulled himself closer towards Harry's warm body, he smiled to himself. Harry smiled too and planted soft kisses on Louis neck a few times.

Louis couldn't quite explain how Harry made him feel. He was crazy, scared and excited all at the same time. He just loved the rush and feeling he felt when Harry folds him into his arms, every time that happens Louis can let out a sigh of relief because he knows he's safe, whenever Harry is around he's safe. Forever and always.

"Shall we get ready and go on a road trip?" Harry asked.

"What for?" Louis said.

"To round up the boys let's get the band back together." Harry said climbing out of bed.

"Come on Lou, we got to get out of bed."  Harry laughed grabbing Louis hand and trying to pull him out of bed.

Louis shook his head and pulled Harry down so he was now lying on top of him. Louis then started to tickle Harry. They were both laughing and couldn't stop.

It was a perfect way to start the morning, it was crazy to think that something so small like tickling Harry could make Louis feel all warm inside. These little moments were everything Louis had wished for. Spending time with Harry was all he ever wanted.

A few hours later and they were sat in the car on the way to collect the boys and grovel for their forgiveness.

The first person they were going to recruit was Niall. He was going to be the easiest to get back.

"Are you nervous?" Harry asked not taking his eyes of the road.

"I'm a nervous wreck. I don't think I want to do this anymore, it was a stupid idea Harry, can we just spend the rest of the day in bed?"

"No. Look we are going to talk to Niall first and it will be easy okay? Niall loves you, he laughed at all your jokes, was your biggest supporter and idolised you. He's not going to give up on that, he's always going to be your friend. So please stop worrying yourself."

"You're right, I just think I'm afraid of losing everything again. The voices are just affecting everything I do and say."

"What are they saying?" Harry asked.

"I don't know, I can't explain, they just scream, constantly scream. I hear words flutter by words of guilt and disappointment. The words are so hurtful and I just feel as though I'm drowning. I try to shut them out I really do. Sometimes they're silent but when I'm nervous they get worse and I don't know how to control them. I just want it to stop. The only way they stop is when I'm with you. It's crazy but I really think this time is going to be different, you made me crazy once before but now I think your my reason of sanity now. I think you're the reason why I'm starting to feel like myself again." Louis said trying so hard to hold back the tears.

"I'm so sorry." Was all Harry could muster up to say.

They drove in silent for the rest of the way, until they ended up at Niall's house in the middle of London. The two boys got out of the car,Harry waked over to Louis and took hold of his hand, Louis looked down at their interlocked hands and then back up at Harry.

"Don't ever let go." Louis whispered.

"Never." Harry whispered back kissing Louis on the cheek.

They both walked up the path hand in hand and knocked on the door.

A few moments later and a once boy now man opened the door, he seemed so grown up now and his once dyed blonde hair was now a brownish colour. He wasn't so little anymore.

"Okay I didn't expect to see you two standing at my door. so cut to the point what are you two doing here exactly?" Niall said.

"Since when did Niall turn sassy?" Louis questioned.

"That's not sassy Louis. I haven't spoken to you two in years and you think you can just come back as if nothing happened?"

"We were hoping on getting the band back together? What do you say Niall?" Harry said.

"Are you two out of your mind? Have you asked Liam and Zayn?" Niall said.

"This was stupid." Louis mumbled tugging at Harry but he stood his ground and continued the conversation with Niall.

"You're the first person we've asked but we just wanted a reunion. Everything that happened was our fault, we know it's a stupid and far fetched idea but we thought it would be a nice idea. We just want our friends back."

"I suppose it won't do any harm. But if one thing goes wrong or Liam and Zayn say no then I'm coming straight home."  Niall said.

Moments later and they were in the car again. Niall had packed a bag full of clothes and essentials and they were on their way to Liam. They had a long road ahead of them so decided to stay in a hotel.

Niall had his own room but Louis and Harry shared, that night when all was quiet in the hotel. Louis and Harry were wide awake.

Louis took of his T-shirt and lay in bed with just his boxers on, Harry joined Louis and looked down at the scars on Louis wrists. He traced his fingers along the scars and started to draw patterns with them.

"Why do you do it?" Harry asked "why do you self harm?"

Louis took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I suppose it's for me to remember. You see every scar tells a story. I remember everything I felt when I cut one line on my skin, the reason why I did it. I suppose it gave me a sense of relief, a sense of satisfaction. I was so guilty and I felt as though I had nothing, I wanted to feel pain but I didn't want to die. It's so difficult to explain because I really don't understand it myself. But  it's was perfection, the way the blade created a thick red line it was mesmerising and it was just as if all the pain I was suffering had finally gone. I felt everything when carving my skin, but that soon went away and I felt numb. I was nothing. But that doesn't last and that's why I hide my scars, I cover myself with long sleeves to hide the truth from everyone else, because deep down I'm disgusted with myself, i don't want people to see who I've become."

"I think they're beautiful as you said every scar tells a story. I want you to promise me something though?" Harry whispered, still tracing each scar with his fingers.

"What is it?"

"Next time you feel as though self harm is your only option, I want you to take my arm instead, I want you to carve into it and make it bleed. I want you to take all your pain out on me."

"That's crazy Harry, I could never hurt you like that not ever."

"Then what's the difference? Your causing yourself pain and in the process your hurting me by self harming. You're a part of my life now and seeing you hurt like this it's like I'm self harming with you."

Louis had never thought about it like that before, he didn't think that his actions would hurt others. He didn't see it like that and it all made sense.

"I promise that I won't self harm again and I'll always talk to you about anything I feel." Louis whispered pulling Harry into a hug.

"Thank you Louis." Harry whispered closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.