Through the Years

Chapter 18

Louis sat in the doctor's office surrounded by his therapist and nurses. he held on tightly to his bag, he had it packed for months, in fact he never really unpacked. He came with so little clothes and was so disorientated and distracted in his own world that he never once thought about unpacking. 

"Hello Louis." The doctor said "As you know we have been keeping a close eye on you over the last few weeks and it has come to our attention that you seem to be coping well. How are you feeling in yourself?"

"Much better thank you. I haven't felt the need to self harm and I haven't hallucinated as much."

"That's really good Louis, we have all noticed a significant difference since you came to us two years ago and therefore we would like to plan for your discharge." The doctor said.

"That's great!" Louis said rather excitedly.

"We see you have already packed, so therefore we would like for your discharge to be this afternoon, how does that sound?"

"Can't I just leave now?" Louis asked.

"I'm afraid not, just because you are free from hospital doesn't mean your free from your illness, we believe that you have psychotic depression and although your hallucinations have seemed to ease, this doesn't mean they won't come back in the future. So for now we will be upping your dose of Olanzapine to 25mg. Once we have your medication sorted we will be sending you on your way  home."

Louis walked back to his bedroom and sat at the end of the bed, he took in a deep breath and looked through his phone, he really needed to find somewhere to live, he couldn't live with his parents, they hadn't bothered to contact him in years. he wasn't welcome there anymore.

He looked at Harry's name and hovered over it, he then shook his head threw his phone onto the bed and lay back looking up to the ceiling. He put his hand through his fluffy brown hair and let out a sigh. It was stupid but he didn't know how harry would react. He couldn't just turn up at their once family home now Harry's and expect to stay. Harry didn't even know this Louis Tomlinson and this version of Louis might possibly scare him.

also for that matter, Harry was a lot older now, he had been hurt and was a lot stronger. He dealt with his pain a lot differently to Louis and Harry didn't need someone like Louis who was depressed and quite clearly mentally ill to bring him down.

So instead Louis would be alone, he would leave this hospital and be all alone, he would be left to his thoughts and would not have anyone to talk to but at least he had his phone and his fans who never left.

Being alone scared Louis, that's how his hallucinations happened in the first place, he closed his eyes and thought back to that moment when he came to hospital his memory coming back to him.

.........................

"What do you mean you've lost the baby?" Louis sobbed.

"I am so sorry Louis. This is our second miscarriage maybe we should stop trying." Eleanor said, walking over to give Louis a hug but he just backed away.

"I can't not again, why does everything fall apart around me. Why can't I be fucking happy?"

"Are you not happy that were back together?" Eleanor questioned. 

"I-I-I I don't know. I had no where else to go. When Harry and I broke up I hit rock bottom. I knew you'd take me back and forgive me, I tried to love you I really did. I thought that if we had a child I could learn to love you as we'd be a family. I was going to name her Ella if it was a girl, not Eleanor just Ella and Freddie if it was a boy. But it hasn't worked out."

"So you called me because I was easy? Because you knew that I still loved and cared for you?" Eleanor shouted.

Louis looked at her and just nodded, he had no words to say.

"Fuck you Louis. I'm done, were done. I want you out of here by the time I get back tomorrow morning!"

And that night that night, Louis self harmed for the first time, he drank a whole bottle of rum and the night was a total blur until he was being carried out of the house in someone arms.

"Dad is that you?" Louis asked, confused from the hard hit on the floor, he never had a father figure to look up to, so him hallucinating his father was all he could want for right now.

"No it's Harry, Harry Styles. Now close your eyes, we've got a long drive ahead of us, you need help Louis, professional help." The voice said.

.............................

Louis jolted up right, he sat there for a moment then screamed "Holy shit!"

It was Harry all along, Harry had saved him, not Eleanor not his dad but harry. he had cared all along, he never stopped caring. 

he saved Louis from every fall be it major or small, he was the figure guiding him through the dark, the voice inside his head that was telling him he was worth those tears that he was worth everything and so much more. Harry was Louis safety net and he would always catch him if Louis if he fell. 

The love that they shared was so rare that it was truly special because they knew whatever happened, no matter the heartbreak the pain once had caused, they would always find their way back home in each others arms and that was special.

Harry had saved Louis life, he was everything he loved in a person and more. 

Harry was a hero. Louis saviour and hero.