FIND THE TRUTH INSIDE YOU (Snowbarry)

16. Chapter: Frost

Caitlin's Pov

"you should go to work now Cait, there is no way to make the kitchen cleaner than that. You wiped the counter 10 times, there are already sparkles
coming out, thats how shiny you made it"

Frost appeared in my mind. I looked at the counter, wich indeed looked as if I just bought a new Kitchen. I sighed, she was right, I couldn't avoid Barry forever. I just didn't know what to think and it might be awkward to see him.
"Just go, it's not as if everything is about Barry right now. You still have to do your work."

"Okay, okay" I answered "Since when are you so hyped to work anyway?"

"Well, if you go crazy somebody needs to stay focused, think straight and be reasonable. I'd never thought, that would be me once"

I bit my lip, I hated that she was right. What was happening with me?

When I arrived at the lab, Frost started to get into the role of beeing the dilligent one of us.
,,You promised Cisco to help him with his data this afternoon, don't forget that" she reminded me.
"And also don't forget to pick up your test results from yesterday, they are in the speed lab."
"Yes I know, I will do that right away" I said. Actually I had forgotten about helping Cisco, so I was thankful for her beeing in controll. I was just not used to it.

When I came closer to the speed lab I heard somebody talking. I almost walked in, when I saw it was Barry and Iris. I stopped. I didn't want to interrupt them since they had important stuff to figure out. I was turning around when I heard Iris saying "Please Barry I miss you".
I didn't know what it was, the weird feeling inside me, my curiosity, insecurity or all things together. But I just needed to know what was going on.  And I stayed and listen, even though I knew, I shouldn't.

Apparently I was already at the end of their conversation, but while listening to those words, a pain of disappointment crawled into my heart.

"Barry, please say something" Iris said at this moment

,,Sorry, I was thinking, Well I think you are right, we should try to work this out"
I heard Barry speaking.

"Thank you Barry, I am glad you think the same way, I do. I was afraid you had already given up on us" she said, and I saw them hugging.

I turned away from their hug, glad they didn't notice me and quietly snugged away.

What did I even think? The kiss had been nothing, like Frost said before. And I knew it, I shouldn't be suprised. As if Barry would leave Iris, just because we kissed once. Not that I expected that anyway. So what was the matter? Why did it hurt so much, why was I so damn disappointed?

"Because your brain accepted it but not your heart" Frost answered my questiond quietly.
I felt something wet on my cheaks. Some tears had rollen down. I hadn't even noticed I was crying.
I rushed into the bathroom. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I got angry. "Get yourself together, it's not worth it, you could live fine with not having feelings for him for almost five years now" I gave myself a talk.

"You know it's okay to feel like this, Cait"
Right... beeing Caitlin Snow meant that you were getting an answer when you talked to yourself...

"Look" Frost continued "You might have lived quite well the last years, accepting how everything worked out for Barry and Iris. But firstly, it left a scar, even though time reduced the pain. And second, if you are honest with yourself, you never really worked through your feelings. You put them into a jar, closed the lid and hid it somewhere, believing you solved everything. But thats not true, you never talked with anybody about it, it was just a matter of time until the feelings would come up again, forcing you to face them. At least to come clean with yourself, you owe it to yourself."

I swallowed "What makes you think that, that I owe it to myself?" I asked with a broken voice.

Because you are the kindest and truest person I've ever met, you are full of empathy and always there for everybody. The only one you are always beeing hard with, is yourself, especially when it comes to emotions and letting yourself go.
You are probably also one of the smartest people on this earth, but you can still learn a few things, and one is, that it is okay to let yourself go sometimes, you don't have to be perfect."

I sighed and set down on the floor leaning my back at the wall.

"I really don't know how you've become so smart..." I felt Frost smiling, and it brought a little smile to my heart too. "...but I know you're right, it's...it's just so incredibly hard."

"I know, nobody said it's gonna be easy, but I am here for you Cait"

"Thank you, I am so glad I have you, I really wished I could hug you right now"

"It's okay, I think that was enough emotion for me today anyway. How do you do that beeing nice to everybody all the time? it's so exhausting. Don't get me wrong, everything I said I truly meant. But I don't know if I could do that with other people"

"You know you've come a long way, so I am sure you could, especially if it is in an important situation" I said.

"Yeah maybe. Are you feeling a bit better?" she asked now.

"Yes I think, at least okay enough to face people"

Another one this weekend. Thats mainly because next weekend I am gonna go on a campingtrip for two weeks. I try to upload another chapter during the week.

I felt like this talk had to happen between Cait and Frost. Actually I wasn't sure if it fit well here. But I my intuition told me I should put it here, so I did xD