FIND THE TRUTH INSIDE YOU (Snowbarry)

18. Chapter: Crystalclear

Caitlin's  pov

I told him everything starting with the developing feelings 5 years ago, the kiss with everyman, the pain, how I somehow accepted it and how Barry brought it up again, the kiss, Iris and so on...

Cisco just listened until I was finished.
Sometimes he would say little things or  make a suitable face. But the first thing he said when I was done was

"Wow Caitlin, why did you bear that all by yourself, thats not healthy, and you know I am here for you"

"I am sorry", " I said "I know I can count on you, but at that time was just no chance that we would end up together, so I decided I had to forget it. Also I felt pretty silly after the kiss with everyman, so I didn't want everybody to know.

"Well at least you would have had a drinking buddy" he said with a little smile.

"And  you know, I always saw some chemestry between you and him, and  before Iris was in the picture I actually thought something would happen. So no it wasn't a silly thought. The things that apparently happened the last weeks are proof, don't you think.

"yes maybe, but proof for what?"

"Cait stop doubting everything, I know it's a complicated situation, but you have to let things go it's way"

"I don't even know if I want him to like me back, at least not like that, with Iris in the backround and... It's just how I felt today...I am not a toy Cisco..."

"And Barry would never see you like that" Cisco interrupted me
"Yes he might have acted a little stupid, but that can have many reasons. Probably he didn't know how to tell you, since he obviously has feelings for you.

"Yes but he knows me and he just should  have told me the truth, I can take it..."

"Yes thats true, and that is on him, but you need to give him time to figure this out. You know Barry always wants to make everything right. That's his biggest strength and sometimes his weakness. "

I nooded, but if he didn't know the truth about his feelings yet, than thats what he was supossed to tell me, I thought.

"You are right" Cisco continued as if he was reading my mind "he should not anticipate anything until he knows what he wants und if he knows it he can try to do whats best. Same is for you Cait.

"But how do I figure it out"

"You don't, deep in you you already know it and if not, you will, at the right moment. So wait for Barry to know what he wants than you can base your decision on that. You might as well not  think to much about it, because you will know what to do in each situation. Even if it might not end how you expect, you can't force anything. So just relax and deal with the problems, when they are here"

"Okay, thank you Cisco" I said full of gratitude. It felt so good to share everything with somebody. " You know, you and Frost, both could be therapists" I smiled.

"That's called Friends in our case" he grinned.

"You know what, you could really use a night out. How about I take you out for a drink tonight"

"I would love to" I said. Frost and Cisco were right, I just needed to be more open and trust more people.

Barry's pov

When Caitlin had left, I just sank down. I didn't care, that I was sitting on a wet cleaning wrag or that a dust pan handle was poking into my back.
I had definitly messed this up.
I tried to do everything right and instead I did everything wrong. How dumb could I be...What was I thinking to kiss her back.
Nothing obviously. I felt terrible, how could I make this right now? What should I do with Iris...?
My phone vibrated. I looked at the screen and sighed. Speaking of...

I read the message

"Hey Barry, just cheking in, How are you? do you have time for lunch or would you like to meet me at home for dinner? I have a late meeting at 9 pm for a special Newspaper for tomorrow. But if I cook for 7 pm it should work out. What ever you prefer 😊"

"sounds good" I just texted back, I mean what else should I do right now? I had promised her to try this out...

a second later, another message arrived:

"I also scheduled a therapy session for next wednesday. I hope that is okay, if that day is not working for, we can reschedule. Sorry should have asked you first..."

When I read it, it hit me.
This was typical Iris. she won't change, at least not for me. Actually I didn't want her to change because of me. Nobody should do that, we weren't the perfect match, thats just it. There was somebody out there, that might love her as the person she was. Someone who didn't care about his girlfriend, making decisions for him. Yeah maybe appreciated it. But that wasn't me, Iris was a lovely girl, but she just wasn't my girl.
I had to talk to her about this, because I had never seen it so clear. I had known for a while now, that we were not meant to be together. But trying it again with her out of pity would be a huge mistake, even it had felt like the right way, it wasn't. And that was not only for my, but for her sake.

"It's okay Iris, but we should also talk again"
was my answer to her.

So sorry it took so long. But after my trip, there had been a big Transition in my life.
But I am back and I am trying to write 1/2 chapters a week now.
Also this chapter might feel like another filler and bore you, but you might also see, that it was needed, at least that's what I think :)