It's Me, Again

Ch. 14 (Dylan)

It's been a few days and Kate is finally no longer giving me the silent treatment. I wasn't sure how she would react to my letter. I really put it all on the line there and she still doesn't know everything about what happened between us after the breakup. But, I'm not going to run from it anymore. She deserves to know everything and have all the facts before she decides whether to allow me to stay in her life or not.

I haven't seen Kate since that night at the pub, but she has started to answer my texts and said she got my letter. I don't really know what she's thinking and how she feels about what I wrote, but I'll take it as a good sign that she's willing to talk to me. She said she just needs time to process everything.

When I told Josh about the letter he was really shocked and also a little impressed.

"You never talk about your feelings so this is a huge step, Dylan," he said proudly.

"Well, now I know why I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. It's scary as hell," I admit.

"It's scary to be vulnerable, but all the best things happen when you put yourself out there," he slaps my shoulder.

"That feels like one of those things people say to just trick you into sharing your feelings, but it doesn't turn out so great," I look at him trying to see if he'll admit I'm right.

"Hey, I never said it always turns out great. People get hurt when they're vulnerable all the time. Just because you share your true feelings doesn't mean it's going to be a happy ending. The point is that you never know unless you try."

"I never would've done it if I knew there was a good chance it would blow up in my face," I say distraught.

"Has she told you she hates you and never wants to speak to you again?"

"No...."

"Then, it hasn't blown up in your face, has it?"

Why does he always have to be right?

"And even if she decides she wants to have nothing to do with you, then at least you know right? It's better than always wondering what could've happened."

I give in, "Yeah, I guess that's true."

"I don't know if I can compete with her boyfriend though. He looks like he was made by the gods and is smart and successful."

"That's where your mistake is."

I look up. What mistake was he talking about?

"It's not a competition and if you act like that you're going to lose. Don't make her choose, that'll end badly. Instead, just be yourself and tell her your feelings. She can decide for herself what she wants and who she wants."

Josh was right. This is about Kate, not about me or Carter. It has to be what's best for her and what she truly wants. It could be me (please let it me be), Carter, or neither of us.

"It would just be so much easier for me if I could view him as the enemy though," I chuckle.

"Yeah, that would be easier," Josh laughs as well. "But, he's not really the enemy right? I mean, yeah in the sense that he's her boyfriend right now, but it's not like he stole her away from you or is some huge jerk or something."

"Why do you have to be so rational all the time?" I say in an annoyed voice in jest.

"I have to be rational to deal with irrational clients like you."

"I hope you're not planning on charging me for these advice talks when you get your degree."

"Oh, definitely. And you'll owe me for all these free sessions. Think of it as backpay."