It's Me, Again

Ch. 19 (Kate)

I had no idea what to expect when I heard that there were some important things about my relationship with Dylan that I didn't remember. A lot of different ideas and scenarios have played through my mind over the past few weeks - all of them possible and a few crazy ones that had zero chance of being right like he had murdered someone or something like that.

The idea that I would catch him with another girl did cross my mind, but I wasn't sure why that would make me so upset. Jealous, sure. But, upset? I knew we didn't get back together during that time so it's not like he would've been cheating on me or anything.

Now I know the truth and while we weren't together I guess what killed me back then and hurts me now is the idea that we could have possibly gotten back together and then he went and did that. Not only did he stand me up, but he hooked up with another girl.

It's a lot to process. He didn't cheat on me, but he may as well have. It's like he gave up on us or didn't even want to try anymore. I know he's different now, but what if he hasn't changed as much as I think he has? What's to say that he isn't capable of doing the same thing again?

I get back inside the apartment and Sarah is sitting in the exact same position I left her in. On the couch, watching Netflix.

"Hey! How'd it go?" Sarah says as soon as I close the door. She turns the tv off and comes over to me in the kitchen.

"Dinner was great, minus the little encounter I told you about. Thanks for the song request, by the way - nicely done," I give her a sly look.

"I figured that song would send the message to him," she laughs. "But other than that?"

"We went for a walk and got ice cream after dinner. We talked."

"And...?" she prompts.

"And now I know everything."

Sarah sighs, "I'm glad it's all out in the open now. How are you feeling?"

"I'm...okay, I guess? It's a lot to think about. I'm not mad."

Sarah gives me a look like she doesn't believe me. "Really, I'm not. I'm more hurt than anything. And you know what, I'm annoyed." I slam my hand on the kitchen counter and feel the sting in my palm.

"I'm annoyed that even after everything he put me through at the end of our relationship I was ready to talk to him again. Give him another chance. And then he stands me up. Not only that, but I catch him with some bimbo when he's supposed to be at dinner with me?!"

Sarah whistles, "Okayyyy, so much for not being mad."

My breathing is heavy from my venting and I try to steady my breathing. "I'm sorry, it's just so...so..ugh," I say and want to pull my hair out.

"Frustrating?"

"Yes!"

"Now he says he still cares about me, loves me even, and I'm supposed to believe him? Who's to say that he won't do the same thing again? I could break up with Carter to be with him and then he decides he doesn't want to be together."

"It could happen, you're right."

"He can say all these charming things to me and make me believe he wants to be together and then just disappear or go off with another girl."

"Yes, that's true."

I look at Sarah, "Are you going to say anything that is actually helpful?"

"Whoa whoa whoa, I'm not the one who broke your heart," she rebukes.

I hunch and let some of the anger out of me, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm just...worked up."