It's Me, Again

Ch. 32 (Kate)

Things with Dylan have been good. More than good, actually. We have our trip to Dubai and Tanzania all planned out and the thought of going away with him on this, sure to be, magical trip gets more and more exciting with each passing day.

Things with Carter on the other hand have been...awkward, for lack of a better word. I feel really bad about it. Since my realization that I didn't have special feelings for him, I have been withdrawn from him and standoff-ish. I really didn't mean to act like that. In fact, I had tried to make a point of acting normal and friendly with him because I didn't want to break up with him virtually. I thought he deserved for the conversation to be done in person. But, despite my best efforts, I was so aloof with him. I knew he could tell something was up, but was avoiding the conversation. Even though he must know a breakup was imminent, it doesn't make having to actually initiate the conversation any easier.

As I wait for Carter at baggage claim, I try to run through the weekend in my head. I had it all planned out. I wouldn't do the breakup right away. That would be really shitty of me. Carter flying all this way to spend a few days with me and the first thing I say is "Hi, so I think we need to break up now." I didn't want to give him false hope all weekend long either though. I figured I would pick up him, we'd grab food and catch up a little and then I would start to broach the subject. We'd have a long conversation and then he would be free to hang out with his friends the rest of the weekend. He would probably spend the rest of the weekend cursing my existence to his friends and I was okay with that. I probably deserve it.

As I saw him coming down the escalators, I knew this was going to be harder to do in real life than in the rehearsals in my head. He smiled, waved, and walked towards me in a navy blue t-shirt, jeans, white sneakers, a carry-on bag slung over his shoulder, and wheeling a small carry-on suitcase behind him. He looked effortlessly cool and good looking and part of me wanted to kick myself for not giving him more of a chance. But, the heart wants what it wants.

"Hi!" I go in to hug Carter. "How was your flight?"

"It was good. I was able to sleep for most of it, which is new for me."

"That's good. Are we waiting for your suitcase?" I pointed to the carousel that just started moving and spitting out suitcases of various colors and sizes.

"Nah, I just have my carry on since I'm just here for a few days," he patted the extended handle of his carry-on suitcase.

"Oh great! I'm parked right outside. Ready?"

"Yup, let's go."

It might've been my imagination, but I felt a shift in our relationship. It's like we were being just cordial with each other. I know what my plans were for this weekend, but he didn't know. Could he sense that a breakup was coming? Oh my god, is he going to break up with me? If he broke up with me, that would make things sooo much easier for me. Just the thought of having to tell him I wanted to end things was making me sweat and I hadn't even brought it up yet.

The car ride back into town was filled with small talk and basic chit chat about what we'd been up to lately. I was aware that I was rambling, but I couldn't stop myself.

"So do you want me to drop you off at your apartment so you can drop your stuff off or what do you want to do?" I glanced over at Carter.

"Sure that sounds good. Maybe you can pick me up later and we'll get dinner? I feel like I should shower after being on the plane for 7 hours," he chuckled.

"Good idea. I'd probably feel pretty icky after a long plane ride too."

"Yeah and 7 hours isn't even that bad. I can't imagine how you're going to handle flying to Tanzania this summer. That's such a long flight," he shook his head in a mixture of disbelief and awe.