Love Is Black And White

13. Weltschmerz

Weltschmerz.

I found this precious word in one of my readings, and it has stuck in my mind since then. It's a German term, coined by the author Jean Paul Richter, which denotes the type of feeling experienced by someone who understands that reality can never satisfy the demands of the mind.

Weltschmerz suits me perfectly.

I believe many storytellers take refuge in their own minds, in an attempt to escape the banal reality that surrounds us. The truth is reality will always be disappointing for creative minds. This is the price we pay for the gift of the imagination.

On Christmas holiday, we met at Jade's apartment. After opening the presents, we sat in a circle near the fireplace and talked, laughing more than usual, with the help of the green philosopher.

"And then I had a date with Vanessa," Will was telling us, "then Chloe... um... Megan..."

"So, is that your news?" Anna interrupted him, "a bunch of girl names?"

Will looked at her with raised eyebrows, "yes, are you jealous, honey?" he teased.

Anna rolled her eyes, "please..."

"And what about you, Leon?" Kyle asked bluntly, "how is your sex life?"

Jade scolded him with a look, "Kyle!"

"What?" Kyle laughed, "I would say love life, but he doesn't love."

"Or he loves too much," Anna let go and smiled, unpretentious.

Will looked at her with raised eyebrows, and then looked at me.

"I met a girl," I said, diverting their attention from what Anna had said, "she's interesting... And kinda weird."

"Oh, this is the best type!" Will said.

"I totally agree." Kyle said, smiling at Jade.

Jade rolled her eyes at him, and then smiled at me, "so, did you ask her out?"

"No..." I answered.

"Did you get her number?" Kyle asked.

I tilted my head, "no..." I answered again, "but I have this feeling I'll see her again."

"And that feeling didn't make you ask for her number?" Will asked me.

"Or her sign at least," Anna added.

Will looked at her with furrowed brows and a smile as I laughed at the scene.

"Well, I hope you see her again," Kyle said, and I smiled at him.

For a few seconds, we all remained silent. I didn't want to talk about it. Anna and Will were probably thinking how hypocritical I was for talking about a new girl in front of the only girl I cared about. Jade was oblivious to the moment, staring at the ground with a vacant gaze. And Kyle was completely stoned.

"I have a question," Jade broke the silence, "how often do you feel happy?" She asked, looking at everyone, eyebrows furrowed.

And we were all silent again. Although physically together, we seemed to be mentally apart. Perhaps that moment had come, the end of the ephemeral joy provided by the green philosopher. Jade had pulled the trigger for deep reflections on life. The other phase of this type of philosophy.

"I would say..." Anna said, eyebrows raised, "not every day."

Will sighed loudly, "yeah, me too," he said, staring at the floor, "and now we're all depressed."