Love Is Black And White

15. Pinocchio's Paradox

After she gave me the gift, Jade asked me if I had already broken the glass every time we talked. When I finally broke it, I couldn't tell her right away. So I waited a few days.

I broke the glass... Yeah, really beautiful. I rehearsed before I called her. Show you missed her, but not so much. I walked aimlessly around the apartment, cell phone in hand.

"You know what I was thinking about?" She asked quickly as soon as she answered her cell phone.

I chuckled, "What?"

"What would happen if Pinocchio said 'My nose grows now'?" She said.

I laughed, and then swallowed. She waited for an answer while I was unable to give one. "I miss you so much." That was all I managed to say. Nice, Leon, super cool, I mocked myself.

She was silent for a few seconds, "I miss you too." She said in a sad tone, "Did you break the glass?"

"Yes... Really beautiful." Okay, that was better.

"Can I tell you a secret?" She asked, "If it was the other way around, and you gave me that gift, I'd break the glass on the first day away from you."

I smiled, "But there's a problem... It made me miss you even more."

She laughed, "I'm sorry... I felt the same way when I watched. But I also felt happy... We got so much history."

"Yeah, I can even write a book." I said, mocking myself. 

Taking the joke, she laughed, "Oh, I would be the first one to buy it."

If you only knew the other version of the story.

But that version I was writing just for myself.

Writing is fascinating because it allows me to translate my feelings and thoughts into words. It's therapeutic. And telling this story was a healing process. It brought me peace. But, as a medicine, it also brought me side effects.

The side effect was saudades.

Saudades is the Portuguese word for the melancholic feeling of missing someone or something. It was inevitable. Writing my story with Jade made me realize how happy I was with her. In my mind, I lived the moments with her again, before turning them into words. It was a painful process. But liberating. Because sometimes pain is essential for healing.

On a rainy afternoon, I was writing the story, sitting at a table by the window. In the few breaks I took, I drank my coffee, or simply enjoyed the rain, listening to the drops on the glass. Everything was so calm.

"There are two kinds of people in this world..." A voice approached me, I smiled when I saw Emma beside me, "Those who love the rain, and those who love the sun."

We were standing, arms crossed, in front of the window, "What kind are you?" I asked.

She smiled, "Well, I feel happier on sunny days... The rain makes me kind of depressed."

"People always talk about sunny days..." I said, "But the rain is much more inspiring to me."

"I can see that." She said, looking at the computer. She leaned over to see the screen, "What are you writing?"

I quickly lowered the screen before she could look, and she backed away, startled, "It's kind of personal." I said, trying to justify my haste to close it.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was rude." She said, embarrassed.

"No, it's okay." I smiled, and we both looked at the floor for a few seconds, "Listen... Do you want to have coffee?"

"Sure!" She said, smiling, "Where?" She joked, and laughed with me.

That rainy afternoon, I got to know Emma. While the rain fell on one side of the window, we talked and laughed on the other.

Her dream was to be a great songwriter, "Music makes me feel alive," she told me. That was what she wanted for life, to feel alive. Our conversations ranged from deep themes to silly things. That's why I liked her so much.

She made me forget time.

These are the best conversations, the ones that make us forget time. Because we constantly look at the clock. So when we spend moments without caring where the clock hands are, we realize how good those moments were.

"Oh my God, I didn't realize it was dark outside." Emma said and laughed, looking out the window. Then she looked at me, "I really enjoyed talking to you, Leon."

"Me too." I said, smiling.

She stared at me in silence for a few seconds, "Look, it's okay if you say no... But there's this thing... My friend, he's a photographer, it's an exhibition of his work. Would you like to go? With me?"

I took a deep breath and faced her, "Are you sure about that?" I asked, frowning.

She frowned too, confused.

"I mean..." I continued, "I'm a rain person, you're a sun person. Does it work?" I joked.

She laughed, "Well, that's how rainbows happen, isn't it?" She smiled.

I couldn't stop thinking about that afternoon. When I got home, I threw myself on the couch and smiled at the ceiling, so grateful for the conversations I had. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the pleasant silence.

But my rebellious mind didn't give me a rest, stillness was never one of its qualities.

What the hell happens to Pinocchio's nose?