Love Is Black And White

1. The Joke's On Me

My mind is full of stories.

Somehow, this is good and bad at the same time. Good because my imagination never makes me bored. Bad because I prefer to live inside it.

Living with so many stories is exhausting. So, I have to let them out. I have to tell them. And isn't that the purpose of the stories, after all?

People write for two reasons. First, to free their minds. Second, for the simple pleasure of telling a story. In my case, I write for both.

I was never good at telling stories to people, because I was never good at talking to them. So I learned to tell my stories to papers, since I discovered how to hold a pencil.

"What a beautiful drawing, Leon! You've got talent!" My parents used to tell me when I was a kid. Little did they know, my drawings were not simply drawings. They were stories. And drawing was not my talent, it was only a way of expressing myself.

My talent was my imagination, so the best part of my childhood was learning to write, because it was a way to bring my imagination to reality.

"And then Batman threw a grenade at the Joker's henchmen..." I shouted while playing with my elder brother, George, "boom! And then he finally said..."

"I'm Batman." George thickened his child's voice, and we laughed.

At that time I wanted to be a comic book writer. Well, my works have become more melancholy, just like I did. But that's not bad at all. What would a writer be without a little melancholy?

Another thing my imagination allows me to do is escape from reality. And I do that. Especially when reality sucks. And it sucks, a lot. So, I create my own.

Is there any other way to save yourself? If not to create your own realities? Words of a writer, of course. Her name was Clarice Lispector, she was a poet and she understood me.

The words I'm writing here came from the reality created by my mind. The reality I kept inside myself for many years. But each story has the right time to be told.

And the time has come.

Although I dated a lot, I was in love with the same girl for years. She was my best friend. And the best start for this story is to tell how I met her, when I was seven years old.

I kept a few memories of my childhood, and the moment I met Jade is one of them. I was at the school hallway reading the comic books I got as a birthday present. I was walking without paying attention to reality when two boys bumped into me, and all the comics fluttered down to the floor. The two boys laughed and ran again.

I bent down and started to collect everything. A few seconds later, I felt a person beside me.

"Ugh! These two are always running!" The little girl said, putting my books together, "what is this?" She asked, holding a comic book I was writing at that time.

My eyes widened, "you can't see that!" I said and tried to get it out of her hand.

She quickly hid it on her back, "why not?"

Embarrassed, I looked at the floor, "it... I-t is not good."

"Well, I can't say that before I read it, right?" She spoke, eyebrows raised, and then smiled, "I'm Jade," she introduced herself, and stared at me for a few seconds, "and you are..."

I was reluctant to introduce myself, "Leon..." I finally said, "my name is Leon."

Jade smiled, "nice to meet you, Leon."

This was the first of many times Jade convinced me to do something I didn't want to. She read all of my book that day and also gave her opinions, which I didn't ask for.

Jade was a weird kid. She wore colorful socks every day, her black hair was always tied up like a pigtail buns and her skin was so pale, as if she hadn't seen the sun in years. She was so unique. And bossy too. But I didn't care at all, I liked her.

She asked me to write stories so she could act as the protagonist. Jade has always been a talented actress, and she always loved acting. I remember her fascination with wigs, she had a collection of hairs just to play different characters she invented herself. 

So I started writing stories for her.

I liked to write and draw the stories and then watch her bring them to life. It was like a show. And that's how we became best friends.

As you can see, it all started with an innocent child's play. The joke's on me. She became the muse of all my stories.

I guess some things never change.