Yowzah Oneshot Collection (3)

158(G)

                         Louis XIV

                         leiascull

There's a considerable amount of furniture stored away in the vaults, and River and the Doctor are utterly absorbed in their search for the perfect pieces. It takes the TARDIS flashing the lights on and off for the Doctor and River to notice that someone is knocking.

"Let them in!" the Doctor shouts.

"And if it's someone with a vendetta against you?" River asks him, crossing her arms in a way that the Doctor finds quite pleasant to look at.

"That's what I keep you around for, dear," he says, tapping her on the nose. He pauses to think about it. "Also, I think they'd probably have to get in line."

"I should say so," River agrees with a smile.

They hear the vague muffled echoes of someone talking, and then the clatter of boots on the stairs.

"Can't be anyone that bad if the TARDIS told him where we are," River says.

"Him?" the Doctor says.

"Well, it sounded like a man to me," River said. "Human, probably - he was speaking English. A lot of the other species just can't wrap their mouths around those THs"

"Everything sounds like English in the TARDIS," the Doctor grumbles. "I can't change the settings."

"I think I've been around long enough to know the difference between real, actual English and sounds-like-English," River tells him. "And he sounded American."

"Doctor?" someone calls, and the Doctor's eyes widen. Jack Harkness ducks through the open door. "There you are. And Professor Song. I have to say that's not entirely unexpected."

"Hello, Jack," River says warmly.

The Doctor looks between them. "The two of you know each other, of course you do. Why am I not surprised?"

"Every university student ought to have a fling with a dashing mercenary," River says. "It's practically a credit requirement. Although I suspect it doesn't usually end in the student tying up the mercenary and taking his gun as a souvenir."

"That was a perfectly good sonic blaster," Jack says in a flirtatious voice, although on reflection, the Doctor isn't certain whether Jack has any other voice. "It took me hours to get out of those knots."

"Isn't it lucky that I'd met that sailor?" River teases. "Otherwise, you'd still be tied up."

"By the third time or so I was getting the hang of it," Jack says. "Never did get that blaster back, though."

"You're free to try," River says. Her smile has edges to it.

"Oi!" the Doctor says. "This is my TARDIS, and my...whatever. I'll thank you not to flirt right in front of me."

"And which of us is your whatever?" River asks, her voice dangerously sweet. "Have I been downgraded, sweetie?"

The Doctor sighs. "'Course not."

"And here I was hoping that I was the whatever," Jack quips. "How quickly you replace us, Doctor."

"Agh," the Doctor moans. "There's a reason I never wanted the two of you in one room. Or one universe, really."

"I have the feeling I should thank you," River says to Jack, who smirks.

"I gave it my all," he says. "As often as I could."

"Again," the Doctor grinds out, "my TARDIS, my whatever, flirting, please stop."

"Again with the whatever," River says, and the set of her shoulders promises some sort of retribution. The Doctor can only hope it's the enjoyable kind.